Head Space

Last week I started with a new physical therapist. It was a very different experience from my previous therapist.  The new therapist takes a whole body approach and started by massaging my lymph nodes.  Her touch was so gentle and purposeful.  I initially wondered if it was doing anything helpful.  As she worked her way from my neck area to my sides, it became clear that the massage was having an effect.

The therapy then transitioned to the private areas of my body as we worked specifically on the pelvic area.  We did not fill the space with small talk even though the therapy was very intimate. Instead the therapist helped me focus on my breathing and other ways to best help release the tension.  I ended up having my best week, physically, of the entire year so far.

Normally, I would take advantage of feeling "good" and get as much done as physically possible, exhausting myself in the process.  This time I paused to enjoy feeling good and focus on mentally processing this transition time in my life.  I didn't avoid the emotions with busyness nor did I hurry through them.  I've officially taken myself out of the rat race and no longer define my worth by how busy I am.

I blogged about some about my daughter graduating, but I also took time to process the events that led to my pelvic floor pain and dysfunction.  It's hard work.  I was reminded time and again of the yogi by the river.  He acknowledges things that pass down the river, but does not assign judgement nor contemplate the purpose.  The things in the river pass in sight and out of mind.  In yoga we are taught to do the same with thoughts and feelings that enter our mind during our practice.  That is how I chose to process my mental stuff this week; acknowledgement followed by a release that gave way to a more peaceful state.

My intention is acceptance.  What has happened, happened and I dealt with it to the best of my abilities at the time.  I will not shame myself for the "flawed" process to this point.  It is a journey.  I don't think I'm done yet.  I am aware of a deep seeded rage that lies buried behind years of mortar laid to cover it up.  The fact that it exists is less scary as I am able to accept a more peaceful state.  I have more confidence that I will get through the layers and be able to release the anger.

"Peace is a journey of a thousand miles and it must be taken one step at a time." Lyndon B. Johnson

It's amazing to me how clearing the clutter in my home is helping me so much in clearing my head space for peace, love, and happiness.