Heart Song

 I've been in a bit of a funk and I haven't been able to figure it out. I'm a strong believer in positive thinking, positive affirmations, and just faking it till you make it because sometimes that's the only way to get there. But despite that sometimes you have to listen to your body. My body is needing extra sleep these days and it's more than a few snooze button taps.  I'm talking extra hour or two naps.  My body is telling me I'm sad about something.

I realized that something is a fact that my daughter is graduating from high school.  She will be leaving in less than a month for college summer program.  I'm very blessed to have a beautiful relationship with my daughter.  I'm going to miss her.

I want her to spread her wings and fly.  At the same time I want to hold her tight and keep her safe. She has this wonderful spirit about her, something that's intangible. It's not just a mother's prejudice. Others see it too and make comments often. She is a light to me and those around her. My world will get a little bit dimmer when she heads off to college.

I'm not sure what to do about this depression.  I believe my increasing need for sleep is a form of escape. I want to spend my time with her.  I don't want to say goodbye prematurely but some part of me wants to pull a way to ease the transition. It's been hard without friends who have kids of the same age, who can really relate but I guess that's just it.  Grief is unique, everybody's journey is their own.

This is my heart song, the heart of subtraction.  My daughter will create her own masterpiece and so will I as we take separate journeys.  This will be exciting.