A simpler life let's me focus on things that matter to me. I'm no longer buying into the consumerism propaganda to fill a void. I enjoy helping others. Random acts of kindness are my passion. For those close to me, I need to work on the concept of "holding space" for them. I read an excellent post about it here. (It will be the subject of a separate post later.)
With a simpler life taking shape, I find I have less physical and mental clutter. Unfortunately I struggle with relaxation induced anxiety. It's a condition many who suffer from PTSD or are survivors of abuse deal with. It became very apparent it was a huge issue for me during my first stay in the trauma unit of a mental hospital. I would lose it every time the group practiced meditation or guided relaxation or other forms of calming the mind. I needed several medication to knock me out and let me sleep.
There is a sense of security when I'm on guard. I'm prepared and less likely to be a victim of bad things. When I slow down and begin to relax, I start to feel anxious because I'm not "in control." Bedtime is the worst due to the level or relaxation needed to achieve sleep. It is the time when the walls start to come down and I battle the memories, feelings, and the triggers I've kept at bay during the day take hold.
You may be wondering what relaxation induced anxiety and minimalism have to do with each other and I can only relay my experience. By minimizing my home & my schedule, I am taking control of my relaxed moments. They are no longer a forced thing. I have time when I'm in my comfy cozy home to practice simply being at peace in a relaxed state. I can deal with the memories, feelings, and triggers on my time instead of being flooded at night when all is calm, dark, and scary. I still have bad days but I know I'm handling this very big transitional time much better having started my minimalist journey.
Maybe you have experienced similar discomfort in still moments, like you've forgotten something or someone. You find you're happiest when you're super busy. Maybe getting rid of stuff is a trigger for tremendous guilt. It's hard. I know. My experience is reaffirming everyday that it is worth it.
Monday, June 15, 2015
Saturday, June 13, 2015
Comfy Cozy Minimalist
When I started my personal minimalist movement in January I did not know that "minimalism" was a buzz word or that many consider it a fad. All I knew was that I wanted to live a simpler life. While I had made great strides in decluttering my house, I was not where I wanted to be. I found this article, How to Stage Your Home for Living, randomly and it spoke to my spirit.
As I make progress, I've searched for inspiration on Pinterest. The kitchens that came up were all white in an eerie way, like an institution where everything is eliminated for the safety of the residents. That is not my definition of minimalism. I chose to have color in my home to add life and warmth. I enjoy hosting/entertaining others and hope people find my home inviting and feel comfortable to be themselves. Our dogs will greet you at the door and you'll see their hair on the furniture, our super friendly cat will come to check you out when you sit down, and we will likely try to get you to join us in playing a board game after dinner. I want to have experiences that help me connect to people and my family.
I'm in New York as I write this post and one of the things I'm enjoying most is the "anything goes" attitude of creative ways people have of expressing their spirit. It has given me more confidence to forge my minimalist path in my way. I like the expression comfy cozy minimalist. I don't know if that's already a thing, but I'm going to run with it as my theme.
What's your theme?
As I make progress, I've searched for inspiration on Pinterest. The kitchens that came up were all white in an eerie way, like an institution where everything is eliminated for the safety of the residents. That is not my definition of minimalism. I chose to have color in my home to add life and warmth. I enjoy hosting/entertaining others and hope people find my home inviting and feel comfortable to be themselves. Our dogs will greet you at the door and you'll see their hair on the furniture, our super friendly cat will come to check you out when you sit down, and we will likely try to get you to join us in playing a board game after dinner. I want to have experiences that help me connect to people and my family.
I'm in New York as I write this post and one of the things I'm enjoying most is the "anything goes" attitude of creative ways people have of expressing their spirit. It has given me more confidence to forge my minimalist path in my way. I like the expression comfy cozy minimalist. I don't know if that's already a thing, but I'm going to run with it as my theme.
What's your theme?
Monday, June 1, 2015
Project 333
In April I decided to implement the capsule wardrobe guidelines offered by Courtney Carver's Project 333. I started by going through my wardrobe and finding the pieces I would use for my Spring capsule. Even though I had a complete wardrobe, I found myself wearing sweats and t-shirts because I'm a stay at home mom and, really, who cares?
Well, I do. So I then challenged myself to create 30 different outfits from my capsule in the month of May. I'm happy to say I stuck with it and completed my challenge today. I took a couple of days off, that's what rest days are for.
My capsule wardrobe consisted of:
10 sleeveless tops
4 camis
5 Sweaters
2 button up blouses
1 blazer
1 pair of jeans
2 pairs of shorts
3 trousers
2 skirts
2 dresses
1 jumper
In the beginning, I actually found myself frustrated with how easy it was to put together an outfit because I wasn't entirely ready to give up my sweats and t-shirts. Then I embraced the look good, feel good mentality and used the time I had to start a skin care regiment. Then I took it a step farther and started spending 5 minutes on my hair. Before I would comb and go. Now I use a little product, blow dry for a couple minutes, and use a finishing spray. I was so encouraged by the compliments that I was getting, I added just the basic make-up application and Boom! - one hot mama. Over the past week or so I keep catching my husband staring at me. When I look towards him he says in his dreamy voice, "You're so beautiful." Talk about motivation to keep up with this simple routine. I'm all in. From waking up to getting out of the house with all of the pieces in place (including a shower), it takes me 45 minutes - MAX. And it's totally worth it.
I learned that I will never wear shorts for fashion pieces, only exercise. One dress is sufficient for my stay-at-home mom career. Mother Nature did not agree to my warm weather assumption so I could have done with fewer sleeveless tops and a couple more sweaters. There were a few pieces I avoided which showed me I didn't love them at all and I have decided to swap them out for new pieces. This is a challenging learning process for me. I think the swap is okay, but I still struggle with a teeny bit of guilt. Then I remind myself that large women have fewer style options anyway and I'm totally okay with wanting to love everything I wear because I am okay with loving myself. That, in itself, is a new concept at my current weight/size. But, I've accepted it and I want to look good because it helps me feel good. And that's what it's all about.
Well, I do. So I then challenged myself to create 30 different outfits from my capsule in the month of May. I'm happy to say I stuck with it and completed my challenge today. I took a couple of days off, that's what rest days are for.
My capsule wardrobe consisted of:
10 sleeveless tops
4 camis
5 Sweaters
2 button up blouses
1 blazer
1 pair of jeans
2 pairs of shorts
3 trousers
2 skirts
2 dresses
1 jumper
In the beginning, I actually found myself frustrated with how easy it was to put together an outfit because I wasn't entirely ready to give up my sweats and t-shirts. Then I embraced the look good, feel good mentality and used the time I had to start a skin care regiment. Then I took it a step farther and started spending 5 minutes on my hair. Before I would comb and go. Now I use a little product, blow dry for a couple minutes, and use a finishing spray. I was so encouraged by the compliments that I was getting, I added just the basic make-up application and Boom! - one hot mama. Over the past week or so I keep catching my husband staring at me. When I look towards him he says in his dreamy voice, "You're so beautiful." Talk about motivation to keep up with this simple routine. I'm all in. From waking up to getting out of the house with all of the pieces in place (including a shower), it takes me 45 minutes - MAX. And it's totally worth it.
I learned that I will never wear shorts for fashion pieces, only exercise. One dress is sufficient for my stay-at-home mom career. Mother Nature did not agree to my warm weather assumption so I could have done with fewer sleeveless tops and a couple more sweaters. There were a few pieces I avoided which showed me I didn't love them at all and I have decided to swap them out for new pieces. This is a challenging learning process for me. I think the swap is okay, but I still struggle with a teeny bit of guilt. Then I remind myself that large women have fewer style options anyway and I'm totally okay with wanting to love everything I wear because I am okay with loving myself. That, in itself, is a new concept at my current weight/size. But, I've accepted it and I want to look good because it helps me feel good. And that's what it's all about.
Friday, May 29, 2015
Cathartic Cleaning
We've had a lot of rain lately which has created a lot of yard work to be done. Double the pressure due to hosting a graduation party with more than 50 guest attending. Needless to say, I spent my fair share of time outside keeping the jungle pruned. Making the job more difficult was the fact that my body was rebelling to the time outdoors: clogged sinuses, heat rash, and to top it off - it seemed some little critters liked the taste of my skin. I itched from head to toe. The fact that I seemed to be getting new bites by the day, even after I swore off going into the grass, was not only disturbing but frustrating. No! One! Else! in my family was effected; not my husband, my children, or my animals.
I was explaining my conundrum to a friend when she suggested the possibility that I was dealing with bed bugs. She shared her experience with the little devils and how her sibling was effected but no one else in the house had a problem. Her words were so innocently spoken yet terror spread through me. This was the perfect time to employ the "Face It, Accept It, Deal With It, Then Let it Go," philosophy of Sheng Yen.
In order to face it, I took to the Internet and searched for bed bug images. I also searched for fleas and other critters. I have two dogs and a cat. We get our yard treated for fleas, ticks, and chiggers but that didn't rule out the possibility in my mind. None of the pictures or descriptions seemed to match up to my circumstances yet it did seem to be the best explanation. I decided I needed to accept the possibility that I had a bug problem.
Facing that possibility was hard because I felt overwhelming shame. The internet tried to make me feel better stating that even the most pristine homes have to deal with pest issues from time to time. With all the rain it shouldn't be surprising if some of the little devils sought shelter indoors. I also had to recognize I had recently been on a trip and spent time at a hotel and my dogs were boarded for a night and something could have come home in their bedding.
Bug issue faced and accepted. On to the matter of dealing with it. I did not accept this issue lightly and decided to deal with it in the most aggressive manner recommended by the websites. I launched a full scale assault on my bedroom and everything in it. I was a woman on a mission and I still had a good bit of terror in me. No dust bunny was safe and the little pests, whatever version they were, all had to die. I worked feverishly, dripping with sweat. It was cleansing my pores of the toxins those little critters had injected into my skin.
The experience was quite cathartic. It fit my personal minimalist movement perfectly. No more dust bunnies, devil bugs, or heebie jeebies. I was free to let go of the shame I felt. My bedroom is freshened and a restful sanctuary once again.
I was explaining my conundrum to a friend when she suggested the possibility that I was dealing with bed bugs. She shared her experience with the little devils and how her sibling was effected but no one else in the house had a problem. Her words were so innocently spoken yet terror spread through me. This was the perfect time to employ the "Face It, Accept It, Deal With It, Then Let it Go," philosophy of Sheng Yen.
In order to face it, I took to the Internet and searched for bed bug images. I also searched for fleas and other critters. I have two dogs and a cat. We get our yard treated for fleas, ticks, and chiggers but that didn't rule out the possibility in my mind. None of the pictures or descriptions seemed to match up to my circumstances yet it did seem to be the best explanation. I decided I needed to accept the possibility that I had a bug problem.
Facing that possibility was hard because I felt overwhelming shame. The internet tried to make me feel better stating that even the most pristine homes have to deal with pest issues from time to time. With all the rain it shouldn't be surprising if some of the little devils sought shelter indoors. I also had to recognize I had recently been on a trip and spent time at a hotel and my dogs were boarded for a night and something could have come home in their bedding.
Bug issue faced and accepted. On to the matter of dealing with it. I did not accept this issue lightly and decided to deal with it in the most aggressive manner recommended by the websites. I launched a full scale assault on my bedroom and everything in it. I was a woman on a mission and I still had a good bit of terror in me. No dust bunny was safe and the little pests, whatever version they were, all had to die. I worked feverishly, dripping with sweat. It was cleansing my pores of the toxins those little critters had injected into my skin.
The experience was quite cathartic. It fit my personal minimalist movement perfectly. No more dust bunnies, devil bugs, or heebie jeebies. I was free to let go of the shame I felt. My bedroom is freshened and a restful sanctuary once again.
Friday, May 22, 2015
Less Perfection - More Peace
I've struggled with perfectionism and still do, but thankfully it lessens each passing year. It is a beast that brings destruction and unhappiness. I want to remind myself to find beauty in imperfections, to accept things as they are, and once again to speak grace to myself.
Often I have tried being perfect to prove my worth. Others times it's been to avoid scrutiny and judgement of others. I tend to be my own worst critic, like plenty of other people, so I'm not exactly sure why I was afraid of others when I was already tormenting myself with negative self talk.
I've made mistakes and continue to do so on a daily basis. In the past, I would proofread my emails half a dozen times before I sent them off so I would not be judged a fool. I would fail to start a project because I didn't have time to complete it perfectly. I had unrealistic expectation of my children. I judged others without knowing there story and let that judgement keep me from getting to know them and their story. I was driving myself crazy by trying to be perfect.
I am overjoyed that I have inspired friends by posting pictures of my imperfect home. They know they are not alone. I hope they are finding a safe place to share their imperfections. The greatest part is in sharing the group is accepting of each other where ever we our in our journey; whatever our personal goals are. We just want to see each other succeed.
I still struggle with the perfection demons from time to time, however, I am more at peace in the general scheme of things. I actively work to subtract negative self talk. I do my best to graciously accept compliments. I've gotten much better at laughing at myself. Because I don't expect perfection from myself, I am much more kind to my fellow humans and respectful of their journey. I'm not the judgey person I once was. If you go back through my blog or happen to be a friend on Facebook, you'll notice I have spelling and grammatical errors. I leave them there on purpose, if I notice them at all. It's an exercise in accepting myself and my imperfections.
Namaste - "I honor the place in you where Spirit lives. I honor the place in you the is of Love, of Truth, of Light, of Peace, when you are in that place in you and I am in that place in me, Then we are One."
Often I have tried being perfect to prove my worth. Others times it's been to avoid scrutiny and judgement of others. I tend to be my own worst critic, like plenty of other people, so I'm not exactly sure why I was afraid of others when I was already tormenting myself with negative self talk.
I've made mistakes and continue to do so on a daily basis. In the past, I would proofread my emails half a dozen times before I sent them off so I would not be judged a fool. I would fail to start a project because I didn't have time to complete it perfectly. I had unrealistic expectation of my children. I judged others without knowing there story and let that judgement keep me from getting to know them and their story. I was driving myself crazy by trying to be perfect.
I am overjoyed that I have inspired friends by posting pictures of my imperfect home. They know they are not alone. I hope they are finding a safe place to share their imperfections. The greatest part is in sharing the group is accepting of each other where ever we our in our journey; whatever our personal goals are. We just want to see each other succeed.
I still struggle with the perfection demons from time to time, however, I am more at peace in the general scheme of things. I actively work to subtract negative self talk. I do my best to graciously accept compliments. I've gotten much better at laughing at myself. Because I don't expect perfection from myself, I am much more kind to my fellow humans and respectful of their journey. I'm not the judgey person I once was. If you go back through my blog or happen to be a friend on Facebook, you'll notice I have spelling and grammatical errors. I leave them there on purpose, if I notice them at all. It's an exercise in accepting myself and my imperfections.
Namaste - "I honor the place in you where Spirit lives. I honor the place in you the is of Love, of Truth, of Light, of Peace, when you are in that place in you and I am in that place in me, Then we are One."
Thursday, May 21, 2015
Not Easy But Necessary
I find myself journaling a lot about distractions I face to the simple life I'm striving for. I guess it makes sense since I'm only slightly into my journey. Too much time not being productive is uncomfortable for me. I'm still discovering myself. Life is still in flux as I prepare for my daughter's departure to New York City. Her fall plans are up in the air but I wonder if that matters when it comes to me and my journey. Whether my kids are living at home or elsewhere, I am taking the journey of focusing more on myself and less on my children. I might be at a 95/5 split now - 95% of my time devoted to my family and others and 5% on myself. If I ever reach a 70/30 split, it would be incredible. I don't know if that's a good split or not, I can't even begin to think what that would be like.
Even with such a lopsided split, I'm typically very good about asking for help when I need it. I knew this week would be hectic with graduation, wisdom teeth extraction, and graduation open house. I asked my mom several weeks ago to stay the 4 days between graduation and the party to help me manage getting everything done. Despite the recognition of needed help and the generous help offered, I am struggling to think clearly and ask for what I need. I hypothesized that it stems from the fact that I do much of my work alone so I can focus on spending time with family creating memories and not doing chores. Please understand that my family is superb at helping out around the house and the responsibilities I have are because I choose to serve my family in that way. I think there's more to it.
My mom is a hybrid of Wonder Woman and the Energizer Bunny. She is amazing and the simple truth is I can't keep up or hold a candle to the amount of work she can get done. She and my husband share the keen ability to focus intensely on a task to its completion. I'm still working on accepting my physical limitations. The fact is; I need breaks and my mom is totally accepting of that.
I've concluded that I'm not overwhelmed with the work that needs to be done. I have the (wo)man power needed and the time to have everything just so. I am struggling because of the intense emotions I need to process during this traditional time. My logical brain is being pushed to the side as my emotional side screams - Deal With Me!! I yell back, "Not Right Now." And then my brain and body shut down.
Time to focus on some of the emotions, do some journaling and process this transition. I need to accept that doing so is, in fact, productive work. I have to speak grace to myself and remember that I am not ignoring my family or their needs nor obsessing about myself. My physical and mental health depend on it.
Focusing less on my family, just a little bit, feels like a huge subtraction to me. I don't need to be ashamed. I don't need to apologize. My family will actually be happy that I have nurtured myself. This is the Heart of Subtraction. It is not easy, but necessary.
Even with such a lopsided split, I'm typically very good about asking for help when I need it. I knew this week would be hectic with graduation, wisdom teeth extraction, and graduation open house. I asked my mom several weeks ago to stay the 4 days between graduation and the party to help me manage getting everything done. Despite the recognition of needed help and the generous help offered, I am struggling to think clearly and ask for what I need. I hypothesized that it stems from the fact that I do much of my work alone so I can focus on spending time with family creating memories and not doing chores. Please understand that my family is superb at helping out around the house and the responsibilities I have are because I choose to serve my family in that way. I think there's more to it.
My mom is a hybrid of Wonder Woman and the Energizer Bunny. She is amazing and the simple truth is I can't keep up or hold a candle to the amount of work she can get done. She and my husband share the keen ability to focus intensely on a task to its completion. I'm still working on accepting my physical limitations. The fact is; I need breaks and my mom is totally accepting of that.
I've concluded that I'm not overwhelmed with the work that needs to be done. I have the (wo)man power needed and the time to have everything just so. I am struggling because of the intense emotions I need to process during this traditional time. My logical brain is being pushed to the side as my emotional side screams - Deal With Me!! I yell back, "Not Right Now." And then my brain and body shut down.
Time to focus on some of the emotions, do some journaling and process this transition. I need to accept that doing so is, in fact, productive work. I have to speak grace to myself and remember that I am not ignoring my family or their needs nor obsessing about myself. My physical and mental health depend on it.
Focusing less on my family, just a little bit, feels like a huge subtraction to me. I don't need to be ashamed. I don't need to apologize. My family will actually be happy that I have nurtured myself. This is the Heart of Subtraction. It is not easy, but necessary.
Wednesday, May 20, 2015
Power Piece
Do you have a power piece? It's kinda like a work out play list. What gets you going, diminishes the self doubt, and gives you more confidence? Mine changes with the situation I must face. Any time I have to meet a new doctor, which is far more often than the average person, I dress like I'm going to an interview and make sure to incorporate the color red.
I also have a playlist for household chores, radio station favorites for cooking, my shower music to get me going, and a belt it out type of playlist for car rides.
I think the way we style our hair or simply getting a new cut can be empowering. There's the casual up-do and the "I'm gonna knock you out," styling version. A specific lipstick or gloss which its unique smell and shine - all confirming your awesomeness. A string of pearls. An heirloom piece.
It's not necessary to own a dozen pair of shoes but I think we need that one empowering pair that brings to mind the song, "These boots are made for walking' and that's just what they'll do. One of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you!" It's okay to layer power pieces.
I am not happy with my body right now and am frustrated that my health issues make it much more difficult to make the changes I seek. But! That does not require me to wear sweats everyday and promote the frumpiness I perceive on most days. I can utilize my capsule wardrobe with clothes that are flattering as my power pieces. It doesn't take a fortune either to create a capsule wardrobe or find your power piece. There are thrift stores, consignment boutiques, swap groups, and more. Find simple things; a keychain, watch, earrings, necklace, etc that keep you grounded in the reality that you are worth it. You are enough. Living with less means that everything we adorn ourselves with is something we love, something that infuses power and grace. You are worth it. You are enough. Music, clothes, accessories, footwear, hairstyles & color - all of it is an expression, not to the outside world, but to ourselves. Honor You!
So what's your power piece? Please share in the comment section and give inspiration to those still searching.
I also have a playlist for household chores, radio station favorites for cooking, my shower music to get me going, and a belt it out type of playlist for car rides.
I think the way we style our hair or simply getting a new cut can be empowering. There's the casual up-do and the "I'm gonna knock you out," styling version. A specific lipstick or gloss which its unique smell and shine - all confirming your awesomeness. A string of pearls. An heirloom piece.
It's not necessary to own a dozen pair of shoes but I think we need that one empowering pair that brings to mind the song, "These boots are made for walking' and that's just what they'll do. One of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you!" It's okay to layer power pieces.
I am not happy with my body right now and am frustrated that my health issues make it much more difficult to make the changes I seek. But! That does not require me to wear sweats everyday and promote the frumpiness I perceive on most days. I can utilize my capsule wardrobe with clothes that are flattering as my power pieces. It doesn't take a fortune either to create a capsule wardrobe or find your power piece. There are thrift stores, consignment boutiques, swap groups, and more. Find simple things; a keychain, watch, earrings, necklace, etc that keep you grounded in the reality that you are worth it. You are enough. Living with less means that everything we adorn ourselves with is something we love, something that infuses power and grace. You are worth it. You are enough. Music, clothes, accessories, footwear, hairstyles & color - all of it is an expression, not to the outside world, but to ourselves. Honor You!
So what's your power piece? Please share in the comment section and give inspiration to those still searching.
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