Holding Space

A good friend shared an article about a person's experience with palliative care and the nurse's gift for  "holding space."  Here's a link. It details how nurses, and others close to the family, can support those facing end of life transitions.

It was a helpful article for me as I process the transition of becoming an empty nester.  Holding space for my children by offering a safe place to just be, not giving them too much information, letting them figure out their own system and other topics addressed are all things that apply to their journey into adulthood.  In essence, the article translated as a how-to on being a minimalist (free range) parent of young adults vs. a helicopter parent.

The article addressed the fine line one walks when holding space for another.  An important lesson I learned, and greatly appreciate, from my mom is the practice of not offering an opinion unless asked. I'm putting that lesson to use more and more during this transition.  Spending time with my daughter and her three roommates for a short time showed me that I do need to reinforce life skills like how to organize a pantry, cook a meal, clean the bathroom, etc.  That does not mean that I need to play peace keeper and solve the issues of who is to clean the bathroom or the shower schedule or anything like that.

I believe by holding space for my children I am strengthening the bond with them.  I trust them.  I believe they will succeed and make good decisions.  I also know they will make mistakes and they will still have a safe place to be themselves.  I also have an opinion anytime they want to ask. :)

The last piece I am working on is making sure I have those people in place that will hold space for me.  Like most transitions, this one is a bit messy in the middle.  Having a safe place to be myself and say whatever is on my mind in a uncensored, unedited version, is a must.  My way of handling things isn't going to be like the majority and that's okay.  I'm learning to surf here and it's not always pretty.

I believe I will always be working on this skill rather than ever mastering it.  I appreciate those that have paved the way for managing difficult transitions with grace.  Your journey wasn't for nothing.