Cathartic Cleaning

We've had a lot of rain lately which has created a lot of yard work to be done.  Double the pressure due to hosting a graduation party with more than 50 guest attending.  Needless to say, I spent my fair share of time outside keeping the jungle pruned.  Making the job more difficult was the fact that my body was rebelling to the time outdoors: clogged sinuses, heat rash, and to top it off - it seemed some little critters liked the taste of my skin.  I itched from head to toe.  The fact that I seemed to be getting new bites by the day, even after I swore off going into the grass, was not only disturbing but frustrating.  No! One! Else! in my family was effected; not my husband, my children, or my animals.

I was explaining my conundrum to a friend when she suggested the possibility that I was dealing with bed bugs.  She shared her experience with the little devils and how her sibling was effected but no one else in the house had a problem.  Her words were so innocently spoken yet terror spread through me.  This was the perfect time to employ the "Face It, Accept It, Deal With It, Then Let it Go," philosophy of Sheng Yen.

In order to face it, I took to the Internet and searched for bed bug images.  I also searched for fleas and other critters.  I have two dogs and a cat.  We get our yard treated for fleas, ticks, and chiggers but that didn't rule out the possibility in my mind.  None of the pictures or descriptions seemed to match up to my circumstances yet it did seem to be the best explanation.  I decided I needed to accept the possibility that I had a bug problem.

Facing that possibility was hard because I felt overwhelming shame.  The internet tried to make me feel better stating that even the most pristine homes have to deal with pest issues from time to time.  With all the rain it shouldn't be surprising if some of the little devils sought shelter indoors.  I also had to recognize I had recently been on a trip and spent time at a hotel and my dogs were boarded for a night and something could have come home in their bedding.

Bug issue faced and accepted.  On to the matter of dealing with it.  I did not accept this issue lightly and decided to deal with it in the most aggressive manner recommended by the websites.  I launched a full scale assault on my bedroom and everything in it.  I was a woman on a mission and I still had a good bit of terror in me.  No dust bunny was safe and the little pests, whatever version they were, all had to die.  I worked feverishly, dripping with sweat.  It was cleansing my pores of the toxins those little critters had injected into my skin.

The experience was quite cathartic.  It fit my personal minimalist movement perfectly.  No more dust bunnies, devil bugs, or heebie jeebies.  I was free to let go of the shame I felt.  My bedroom is freshened and a restful sanctuary once again.

Less Perfection - More Peace

I've struggled with perfectionism and still do, but thankfully it lessens each passing year. It is a beast that brings destruction and unhappiness. I want to remind myself to find beauty in imperfections, to accept things as they are, and once again to speak grace to myself.

Often I have tried being perfect to prove my worth.  Others times it's been to avoid scrutiny and judgement of others.  I tend to be my own worst critic, like plenty of other people, so I'm not exactly sure why I was afraid of others when I was already tormenting myself with negative self talk.

I've made mistakes and continue to do so on a daily basis.  In the past, I would proofread my emails half a dozen times before I sent them off so I would not be judged a fool. I would fail to start a project because I didn't have time to complete it perfectly.  I had unrealistic expectation of my children.  I judged others without knowing there story and let that judgement keep me from getting to know them and their story.  I was driving myself crazy by trying to be perfect.  

I am overjoyed that I have inspired friends by posting pictures of my imperfect home.  They know they are not alone.  I hope they are finding a safe place to share their imperfections.  The greatest part is in sharing the group is accepting of each other where ever we our in our journey; whatever our personal goals are.  We just want to see each other succeed.

 I still struggle with the perfection demons from time to time, however, I am more at peace in the general scheme of things.  I actively work to subtract negative self talk.  I do my best to graciously accept compliments.  I've gotten much better at laughing at myself.  Because I don't expect perfection from myself, I am much more kind to my fellow humans and respectful of their journey.  I'm not the judgey person I once was.  If you go back through my blog or happen to be a friend on Facebook, you'll notice I have spelling and grammatical errors.  I leave them there on purpose, if I notice them at all.  It's an exercise in accepting myself and my imperfections. 

Namaste - "I honor the place in you where Spirit lives. I honor the place in you the is of Love, of Truth, of Light, of Peace, when you are in that place in you and I am in that place in me, Then we are One."

Not Easy But Necessary

I find myself journaling a lot about distractions I face to the simple life I'm striving for.  I guess it makes sense since I'm only slightly into my journey.  Too much time not being productive is uncomfortable for me.  I'm still discovering myself.  Life is still in flux as I prepare for my daughter's departure to New York City.  Her fall plans are up in the air but I wonder if that matters when it comes to me and my journey.  Whether my kids are living at home or elsewhere, I am taking the journey of focusing more on myself and less on my children.  I might be at a 95/5 split now - 95% of my time devoted to my family and others and 5% on myself.  If I ever reach a 70/30 split, it would be incredible.  I don't know if that's a good split or not, I can't even begin to think what that would be like.

Even with such a lopsided split, I'm typically very good about asking for help when I need it.  I knew this week would be hectic with graduation, wisdom teeth extraction, and graduation open house.  I asked my mom several weeks ago to stay the 4 days between graduation and the party to help me manage getting everything done.  Despite the recognition of needed help and the generous help offered, I am struggling to think clearly and ask for what I need.  I hypothesized that it stems from the fact that I do much of my work alone so I can focus on spending time with family creating memories and not doing chores.  Please understand that my family is superb at helping out around the house and the responsibilities I have are because I choose to serve my family in that way. I think there's more to it.

My mom is a hybrid of Wonder Woman and the Energizer Bunny.  She is amazing and the simple truth is I can't keep up or hold a candle to the amount of work she can get done.  She and my husband share the keen ability to focus intensely on a task to its completion.  I'm still working on accepting my physical limitations.  The fact is; I need breaks and my mom is totally accepting of that.

I've concluded that I'm not overwhelmed with the work that needs to be done.  I have the (wo)man power needed and the time to have everything just so.  I am struggling because of the intense emotions I need to process during this traditional time.  My logical brain is being pushed to the side as my emotional side screams - Deal With Me!!  I yell back, "Not Right Now."  And then my brain and body shut down.

Time to focus on some of the emotions, do some journaling and process this transition.  I need to accept that doing so is, in fact, productive work.  I have to speak grace to myself and remember that I am not ignoring my family or their needs nor obsessing about myself.  My physical and mental health depend on it.

Focusing less on my family, just a little bit, feels like a huge subtraction to me.  I don't need to be ashamed.  I don't need to apologize.  My family will actually be happy that I have nurtured myself.  This is the Heart of Subtraction.  It is not easy, but necessary.

Power Piece

Do you have a power piece?  It's kinda like a work out play list.  What gets you going, diminishes the self doubt, and gives you more confidence?  Mine changes with the situation I must face.  Any time I have to meet a new doctor, which is far more often than the average person, I dress like I'm going to an interview and make sure to incorporate the color red.

I also have a playlist for household chores, radio station favorites for cooking, my shower music to get me going, and a belt it out type of playlist for car rides.

I think the way we style our hair or simply getting a new cut can be empowering.  There's the casual up-do and the "I'm gonna knock you out," styling version.  A specific lipstick or gloss which its unique smell and shine - all confirming your awesomeness.  A string of pearls.  An heirloom piece.

It's not necessary to own a dozen pair of shoes but I think we need that one empowering pair that brings to mind the song, "These boots are made for walking' and that's just what they'll do.  One of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you!"  It's okay to layer power pieces.

I am not happy with my body right now and am frustrated that my health issues make it much more difficult to make the changes I seek.  But! That does not require me to wear sweats everyday and promote the frumpiness I perceive on most days.  I can utilize my capsule wardrobe with clothes that are flattering as my power pieces.  It doesn't take a fortune either to create a capsule wardrobe or find your power piece.  There are thrift stores, consignment boutiques, swap groups, and more.  Find simple things; a keychain, watch, earrings, necklace, etc that keep you grounded in the reality that you are worth it.  You are enough.  Living with less means that everything we adorn ourselves with is something we love, something that infuses power and grace.  You are worth it.  You are enough.  Music, clothes, accessories, footwear, hairstyles & color - all of it is an expression, not to the outside world, but to ourselves.  Honor You!

So what's your power piece?  Please share in the comment section and give inspiration to those still searching.

Slow and Steady Stella

You may have noticed our new mascot on the sidebar, Stella, the turtle.  She has been quite the grounding force for me after I returned from a 5 day trip to the Northwest part of the States.  I pushed myself past my physical limits during the visit because I wanted to experience as much as I could and enjoy the beautiful scenery and unique places.  I didn't feel like letting my body limit my fun.

When I returned I was physically spent, but I wanted to keep up with my routines of cleaning and cooking.  I had dogs to love on, plus my adoring husband.  There were graduation plans to make, college application stuff to complete, laundry, doctors' appointments. . .   Thankfully I was able to look at Stella and was reminded of the benefits to taking things slow and steady.  I had a thought after the second night home that I wrote down so I wouldn't forget in the morning, "Beautiful Things Grow When You Go Slow."

My personal minimalist movement is not happening overnight.  I find myself writing a lot about distractions I face to the simple life I'm striving for.  It makes sense since I'm just getting going.  Too much time not being "productive" is uncomfortable for me.  But I think I need to redefine what productive means to me.  I needed to give myself time to recuperate from my trip so I could accomplish all the tasks playing ping pong in my head.

I did end up taking a day of rest and I have to admit I wasn't happy about it.  It didn't feel like it was my choice, but rather my body calling the shots.  I got a bit grumpy. I growled at my family.  And then I had to check myself before I wrecked myself.  I needed the rest and, more importantly, I needed to accept that I needed it.  In the future I hope to embrace the times of rest as productive times of rejuvenation.

The grass is greenest where you water it.  I will continue to spend time focusing on self-care, restorative meditation, and simplifying my life.  I must spend time each day on these areas to water & nurture that which I want to grow.  Slow & steady - beautiful things will grow.

Ready To Begin?

What does one need to be ready to begin? Is it the right pair of shoes? The right music? The right company present? The right time?

I would argue that one doesn't NEED anything. One just needs to begin. Whether you think one positive thought, pick up one piece of trash, smile at someone, or any other simple, positive thing - You have begun. You are making a difference. 

Tackling big things, tough things, they all start with small things and changes. You can't do it all and you know it. You will fail which keeps you from starting in the first place. So let's not look at the scary stuff. Let's take the steps we can manage RIGHT NOW!

Don't leave a room empty handed. Chances are there's something that needs to be put away in a place near or where you're headed. 

Give each person you talk to a compliment. If you're talking to yourself, the rule still applies. 

Make a do-to list with one item on it. Complete the task and repeat if you like.   

Dance or sing to the tunes in your head. 

Walk to the mailbox or around the block and say, "Hi," to the people you pass. 

Do a small load of laundry from start to finish. 

Play that funky music white boy. 

Make your favorite drink. 

Eat a carrot. 

Drink a glass of water. Repeat as tolerated. 

Praise your child(ren) and/or spouse. 

Sit down for 15 minutes. 

Give yourself a pep talk with your best impersonation of your favorite teacher. 

Do a chore during the commercial of your favorite show. I know it's on DVR, so you can rewind if you get carried away. 

Take a shower. 

Clean one window to let the sunlight in better. 

On trash day, make a mad dash through the house filling an extra bag for the garbage man. 

Don't think- Do!

Read an inspirational quote. 

Write one thing you're thankful for. 

Donate 7 items to a local charity. 

Break a rule. 

Strike a pose. 

Try a new food. 

Buy a coloring book and use it. 

Light a candle. 

Change the flavor of your coffee, tea, or water. 

Doodle 

Be awake for a sunrise or sunset - enjoy nature's beauty. 

Take a picture of something or someone you love. Refer to it we you need motivation. 

Pack less and enjoy your travels more

When the airlines decided to start charging to check luggage, people had a hard time with the balancing act of traveling with only a carry-on but still wanting to pack everything they had in the past.  Christmas time was the worst. People actually thought they could carry on their personal stuff like clothes and toiletries AND all the presents they were bringing to family.  When  I say people, I'm talking about the maturity, not just a few here and there.

I learned from that experience, checking baggage wasn't so bad. Everyone else was avoiding it like the plague so there wasn't much on in the baggage claim area, making it super quick. I did my best to take less, but I was naïve and American. My whole perspective changed when I traveled to Europe. My mom had traveled overseas numerous times and her only advice/requirement was that I pack only a carry-on for our 16 day trip to Italy. I had no idea how one was to accomplish such a task but they don't call me "the pack master" for nothing.

With just a carry-on for the luggage, a traveler can catch a bus, train, or taxi without worry for the luggage. Transition time into the mode of transportation is cut down considerably. It's far less to keep track and therefore less stress that you left something God knows where. Another way to look at how little you truly need is to recognize the beauty of traveling. If you wear the same thing every day or rotate between two or three outfits, who's going to know? If they know, who's going to care?  If you're  visiting family and staying put for a while, you will have regular access to laundry. If your family is dissatisfied in the number of wardrobe changes you brought, do you care?

Only having 33 items in my wardrobe is a big advantage to packing light. I've got the mix and match to maximize concept down. Pinterest and YouTube have whole sections devoted to packing for a three week trip with just one carry-on.

You can do this. Less luggage means less backaches,  more mobility, less stress, and more time to enjoy your travels.

You might need that one day, but somebody else needs it now.

There's a fear that most of us share about not having enough. One of the biggest struggles of decluttering is often getting rid of those things that one day we might need.  We all have dear family members that grew up during the depression or hand a strong influence from the depression era mindset where everything was saved.  I think there's a lot of things that we should remember (or learn) from the depression era in terms of reduce, reuse, and recycle.  However, holding onto things that no longer have a purpose, that we no longer love, just because we fear that someday we might need them is counterproductive in the journey towards minimalism.

If your stovetop is like mine, you have four burners with a possible warming station. With four burners in all, how many pots and pans do you really need?   I use my slow cooker daily. Often times I have multiple going on the same day so I it makes sense for me to have more than one. I'm not exactly sure how it works, but they tell me a lot of people only use their slow cooker once or twice a year. If that is your situation, getting rid of the slow cooker in your home and borrowing one when the need arises makes sense. Since I am not a baker, I do not have lots cookie sheets, cake pans and all that good stuff that one needs to be a fantastic baker. I don't need it.  

I have found with my minimalist journey that I greatly enjoy hosting company.  I needed to evaluate honestly how many people I typically host at one time.  My dining table seats eight and that's just the right number for my intimate parties.  For that reason I keep 12 plates and bowls in my cupboard.  I did away with the dinner plates because the were big and bulky.  Our family prefers salad plates for our regular meals and our guests don't seem to mind either.  For the exception of the graduation party coming up and possibly a birthday party here or there,  I will borrow the serving items I need for a larger crowd.

Clothes are a big issue for most women. A lot of us fluctuate from different sizes and we never want to have to go out and buy new stuff when we're going from an eight to a 12 (or if you're like me from a 16 to 20.)  I would argue that it's unlikely to go through such a range of sizes in one season. If you keep to a minimalist wardrobe of 33 pieces for three months or one season I think you can keep your costs down and feel good about the pieces that you're wearing.  In fact, you should love what you wear.

By ridding our homes of things we don't use or love, but might need some day, we are letting God know we trust Him to provide for us in the future.  We are not being irresponsible with our belongings by not holding on.  We are blessing others who are in need, now, for the items.  We are a sisterhood.  Let's start caring and sharing with each other.  One rule, don't just dump your clutter onto someone else.  Please share your mission and ask if the gift will bless them.  They don't need to feel guilty for saying no and you can rest assured knowing your gift will find a home where it is a true blessing.

Things to consider releasing to the sisterhood; clothes, baby clothes, toys, fabric, small kitchen appliances, boxes, craft items, and lots more.

The Biggest Disservice

My method of madness in the past has been to reach my breaking point as to the level of clutter in my house.  I follow that with a frantic decluttering period lasting from hours to a full week.  That method had two major flaws. 1) I wasn't getting rid of stuff, just organizing the clutter because if everything had a home, it wasn't clutter. 2) I had no system in place to maintain the "progress" I made.  Then I would be frustrated and mad at the family because *they* were the reason for the season of chaos.

With no system in place and massive amounts of clutter, I was doing myself and my family a huge disservice.  It was unrealistic to expect that any of us would know the new homes of all the stuff.  I did not include the family in my cleaning frenzy so they were confused from the get go.  You may be thinking, "That's why they make label makers."  I tried something like that and we were so deep in clutter, it didn't help.

So you may be wondering, "What does work?"  My first suggestion is to start with the kitchen.  In our house it is the most used room.  I challenge you to get rid of half of everything; silverware, dishes, cups, glasses, cooking utensils, pots, pans, and even small appliances.  A system will fall in place because what's remains so easily fits in the space.  Labels may be beneficial at this point of the transition, but not necessary.

The next challenge - don't move on to another room and start decluttering.  Focus on the space you've created in the kitchen.  Be present when family members are helping with unloading the dishwasher or utilizing the space for preparing food.  You can gently guide them to the things they need and where things go.  Take ownership of the new organization and explain your logic in organizing the space.  Maybe talk about why having less is more.  Maybe just enjoy the space because if mama's happy, the family is happy.

It has been my experience that people appreciate my minimalist efforts and outcomes but it's a bit like losing weight; other's feel bad that they haven't lost clutter and will become enablers to fill your clear spaces.  The minimalist journey is a big exercise in saying, "No."  We are saying no to the consumerism messages in all the adds.  We are saying, "No, we won't be keeping up with the Jones."  We are saying no to time commitments that do not add value.  And sometimes we have to say no to well meaning friends and family.

Head Space

Last week I started with a new physical therapist. It was a very different experience from my previous therapist.  The new therapist takes a whole body approach and started by massaging my lymph nodes.  Her touch was so gentle and purposeful.  I initially wondered if it was doing anything helpful.  As she worked her way from my neck area to my sides, it became clear that the massage was having an effect.

The therapy then transitioned to the private areas of my body as we worked specifically on the pelvic area.  We did not fill the space with small talk even though the therapy was very intimate. Instead the therapist helped me focus on my breathing and other ways to best help release the tension.  I ended up having my best week, physically, of the entire year so far.

Normally, I would take advantage of feeling "good" and get as much done as physically possible, exhausting myself in the process.  This time I paused to enjoy feeling good and focus on mentally processing this transition time in my life.  I didn't avoid the emotions with busyness nor did I hurry through them.  I've officially taken myself out of the rat race and no longer define my worth by how busy I am.

I blogged about some about my daughter graduating, but I also took time to process the events that led to my pelvic floor pain and dysfunction.  It's hard work.  I was reminded time and again of the yogi by the river.  He acknowledges things that pass down the river, but does not assign judgement nor contemplate the purpose.  The things in the river pass in sight and out of mind.  In yoga we are taught to do the same with thoughts and feelings that enter our mind during our practice.  That is how I chose to process my mental stuff this week; acknowledgement followed by a release that gave way to a more peaceful state.

My intention is acceptance.  What has happened, happened and I dealt with it to the best of my abilities at the time.  I will not shame myself for the "flawed" process to this point.  It is a journey.  I don't think I'm done yet.  I am aware of a deep seeded rage that lies buried behind years of mortar laid to cover it up.  The fact that it exists is less scary as I am able to accept a more peaceful state.  I have more confidence that I will get through the layers and be able to release the anger.

"Peace is a journey of a thousand miles and it must be taken one step at a time." Lyndon B. Johnson

It's amazing to me how clearing the clutter in my home is helping me so much in clearing my head space for peace, love, and happiness.