Heart Song

 I've been in a bit of a funk and I haven't been able to figure it out. I'm a strong believer in positive thinking, positive affirmations, and just faking it till you make it because sometimes that's the only way to get there. But despite that sometimes you have to listen to your body. My body is needing extra sleep these days and it's more than a few snooze button taps.  I'm talking extra hour or two naps.  My body is telling me I'm sad about something.

I realized that something is a fact that my daughter is graduating from high school.  She will be leaving in less than a month for college summer program.  I'm very blessed to have a beautiful relationship with my daughter.  I'm going to miss her.

I want her to spread her wings and fly.  At the same time I want to hold her tight and keep her safe. She has this wonderful spirit about her, something that's intangible. It's not just a mother's prejudice. Others see it too and make comments often. She is a light to me and those around her. My world will get a little bit dimmer when she heads off to college.

I'm not sure what to do about this depression.  I believe my increasing need for sleep is a form of escape. I want to spend my time with her.  I don't want to say goodbye prematurely but some part of me wants to pull a way to ease the transition. It's been hard without friends who have kids of the same age, who can really relate but I guess that's just it.  Grief is unique, everybody's journey is their own.

This is my heart song, the heart of subtraction.  My daughter will create her own masterpiece and so will I as we take separate journeys.  This will be exciting.

Capsule Wardrobe Challenge Day #1

Converting to a capsule wardrobe has been exciting and empowering on most days and quite defeating on other days.  Due to the mood swings of Midwest weather, my spring wardrobe hasn't been put to the test.  Yesterday I decided to challenge myself to utilize my wardrobe for the next 30 days and present as many looks as possible.  The StyleBook app will help me with this goal.

If you're wondering why a person would be defeated by a capsule wardrobe, it's because the system makes it so easy to put together an outfit, I feel defeated on the days I want to be ultra lazy and just wear sweats.  For example, today I have a physical therapy appointment and a specialist appointment that address the chronic pain I deal with on a daily basis.  I really didn't want to get out of bed, but I had challenged myself, all my clothes are clean, and I *can't* quit before I even start the challenge.

So here's the Outfit Of The Day (OOTD) #1:

I have black slacks with a blue tank and a blue/black/grey sweater layered over the top.  I wore my casual black sandals and just a hint of make-up.  I got several compliments at my first appointment and am about to head out to my second appointment.  I'll freshen my lip "stain" and call it good.

Subtracting from Facebook to get More out of it.

At the height of my friendship count on Facebook I was right around 230.  Over the last several months I have reduced that number to the neighborhood of 150.  It has been a bit of a roller coaster as it felt great after the first round when I eliminated all those "acquaintances" with whom I never interacted.

The second round was the toughest.  I decided I wanted my Facebook experience to be positive, encouraging, and interactive.  This meant I "de-friended" some people that are important to my life but more judgmental than I care to admit.  It meant that I cut off people I've known since high school because they're "never on Facebook."  I struggled with it because I was afraid these people would notice.  The vast majority did not and those that did confirmed for me why I had made the cut.

The last round I finished this weekend.  I de-friended the lurkers, as well meaning as they may be, because I'm on Facebook for relationships that are a two way street.  Much apologies to my loving aunts and uncles that have as many friends as people in our family, but you don't get to spy on my life without giving me a glimpse into what's going on with you.  I found myself more comfortable with this final cut because the previous rounds had proven to improve my experience online.

I went to my friends list and tweaked my categories of friends.  Right now, I'm really happy.  If anyone noticed they were cut, they are welcome to call and have a conversation.  Actually, I'd love nothing more than to truly connect.

Subtraction is a good thing and, for me, less Facebook friends truly is a more enjoyable experience.

Convenience Stores

Summer is approaching quickly, even if Mother Nature insists on throwing curve balls to make us think otherwise.  A vice that is more difficult for me to avoid in the summer is the dreaded convenience store.  I'm perfectly content to sip on my hot cup of coffee, made at home, in the winter months.  However, I have an unhealthy love of soda.  It's my drug of choice in dealing with my chronic pain.  My rationale for purchasing the sweet elixir of life at the convenience store is 1) I will drink less because it is not in the house & 2) the cost of the "convenience" will deter me.  If only those things were true.

I have a plan.  I will NOT go into a convenience store for the next 90 days.  By doing this I hope to break the habit of nonchalantly refilling my trusty convenience store mug for 97 cents.  I will instead buy soda at the grocery store and have a collection tin next to it in the fridge at home.  Each time I want a 12oz soda, I will have to pay $1 to the tin.  The money I save will go towards a small goal.  I don't want to encourage my drinking habit by setting a goal of a cruise thereby justifying each purchase by getting us closer to that goal.

Maybe the goal should be negative.  A prime example would be if I had to give the money to my son to support his new smoking habit.  I'm cringing at the thought.  I don't know if I'd ever drink a soda again.  Damn, why does my brain have to be so devious?

Messy in the Middle

"Change is hardest at the beginning, Messiest in the middle, And Best at the End." ~ Robin Sharma

My experience with becoming minimalist has proven slightly different than this quote.  In the beginning I was excited and had so much clutter to purge I had to pace myself.  I started with the kitchen and the hard part was maintaining the spaces I had cleared.  After a couple of months of staying on top of things, I took it a step further and removed the small appliances from the counter top.  Now I'm working on other areas of the home.

It is true that things get a bit messy in the middle as I have sorted things into keep, donate, and trash piles.  Then there's the organization of the items I keep.  But the "messiest" part is changing the mentality that I need to fill the space I've created.  Changing my mindset with how I evaluate a potential purchase.  Coping with my new set of expectations that are not yet implemented in the entire house.

The process of change is not instantaneous.  As much as I must work at keeping the physical spaces clear, I also need to recognize when old thought patterns creep in and clear that brain space too.

I know I breathe easier when I'm in my home.  I make daily lists and focus 15 minutes to declutter a new space.  It takes about 20 minutes a day to maintain the clear spaces, far better than before.

I appreciate the challenge to change and the benefits it brings.  I appreciate the support network I've found in friends that are on their own journey of simplifying their lives.  I am enjoying the process, messiness included.

Sanctuary

My minimalist movement is about making my entire home a sanctuary.  Having subtracted a great number of things, I am finding what I really need to honor my core values.  This weekend we re-homed a dining room table and chairs to a friend.  He was very grateful and so was I because it made space for me to create a lounge area.  I envision my lounge area as a space to spend my early mornings giving the dogs their morning loves, enjoying my coffee, blogging, and other seated tasks.  It's to be a place of retreat.

I emptied the room and used a great steam cleaner from Home Depot.  The carpet needed some refreshing now that the puppy is house trained.  The walls are a chocolate brown with a chair rail and white on the bottom.  I plan to brighten up the space with a light blue color.  The new furniture will be delivered Monday. Beyond that, I'm in no rush to decorate.  I want to keep things as uncluttered as possible.  What items I do add will be for the purpose of bringing nature indoors.

Looking forward to sharing pictures.

Speaking Grace

I've been on this minimalist movement for 4 months now.  I started with the kitchen and I reduced the contents by half.  I've been focusing on keeping the space clear and succeeding which feels great.  To help keep the momentum without getting overwhelmed, I've adopted a simple rule: Don't leave a room empty handed.  With just a little effort, I can find something to put in the donation box.

This week I had overnight guests and I went into overdrive trying to get rid of things in areas I'm not in often - the guest bedroom and "creation station."  I found myself facing all the things I have purchased at garage sales, thrift shops, and on clearance at major stores all with great intentions of being crafty in this new year.  As I collected those things into the back of my car to be donated, I was struck by a great sense of shame.

The items weren't terribly expensive individually, but as the mass grew, I knew where my spending money was going.  I felt so awful.  I was flooded with negative self talk.  If I didn't collect myself soon, I was going to have a full blown meltdown.  With a deep breath in of grace and the releasing of the shame with my exhale, I was able to speak words of encouragement to my soul.  I am starting with a clean slate.  I am blessing others with my donation.  I am growing into the legacy I wish to leave.  This is progress.

If you're on a similar journey to simplify your life, clean a space, or other goals that are stirring up shame as you journey toward them, remember you are not alone.  Speak grace to your soul or insist the help of those who can.  You are worth it.  Your goals can be achieved.  Grace.

Team Projects Rule!

Yesterday my husband, David, and I took on the project of cleaning the garage.  Our garage *just* fits two cars so we're working on maximizing the space.  It was such a blessing to work on and complete this task as a team.  A couple years ago, I had made a concerted effort to declutter but David wasn't part of the decisions so I kept stuff I wasn't sure about.  Yesterday, he helped make the decisions to get rid of a lot of stuff that had been kept, but not used in the last couple of years.  What a difference. It does the heart good to have family members on board.  We were both so happy with the outcome of the project.  It will be a great space to use when we host an open house for our daughter's upcoming graduation.

I present the garage before pic:

And the glorious after pic: