New Year Decluttering Challenge

I'm dreaming of a New Year's Decluttering Challenge.  If anyone else is anything like me, resolutions are strong at the beginning and tend to fade.  For that reason, I think a reverse decluttering challenge is in order.  Instead of a particular number of items that increases with the days, this challenge will focus on a time frame.  Whatever is the maximum amount of time you are willing to commit to decluttering, do it.  Use the following blog post and its questions to make decisions on what to purge.  http://embracingsimpleblog.com/12-questions-to-help-you-declutter/  The idea is to take time to master the questions when your resolve is strong.  Your efforts will be rewarded immediately; further decluttering will be easier and take less time.  Ideally, the progression will keep the ball rolling long into 2016.

My New Year starts right after Christmas.  My husband is on vacation every year to help and for motivation.  This weekend after being inspired by articles I found on families downsizing to tiny homes, I knew I could do better.

My first round of decluttering was those items hiding in plain sight.  Things I had ignored because they were part of the landscaping, so to speak.

My second pass had me going into the hiding places in the master bedroom.  Mainly I went through the nightstand drawer and under the bed.

Then I moved to the bookshelf and the guest room where the closet was calling my name the whole time.

And here's the closet before.  There is a possibility my mom will be staying with us for a time.  I wanted the room to be fully functional for her which meant clearing out the closet.

Here are the items I pulled to donate. The other stored items found a more appropriate home in the storage room in the basement, but it wasn't much.

Here is the closet after.

I was able to accomplish a lot over the weekend. With the questions from the article in mind along with the inspiration of whole families moving into spaces that were less that 900 sq. ft. and practice from decluttering throughout the year, I was on a mission.  Are you ready to declutter in the New Year?

I'm Ready

Courtney Carver is one of my favorite minimalist.  She is the founder of #project333 which is the inspiration for my capsule wardrobe.  She recently made a post entitled 10 Ways to Create a Routine with Joyful Discipline.  With the new year coming up quick, it's an excellently timed read.  The content is wonderful and, as I'm learning about creating posts for the general population, the site is a prime example of how to do things correctly.  Great job Courtney!!

I love routine and setting goals.  Courtney's concept of pivoting to change one's routines if they are not beneficial is critical.  She also uses the terms inflation and deflation for adjustments made to daily routines based on one's energy.  These concepts are similar to the spoon theory I use to address my energy crises.  I've learned the hard way that I need to establish a realistic base line.  I currently have a comfortable routine in place, would like to take steps to expand.

It just so happens, last month I invited several women to participate in a collaboration event. We will meet on a monthly basis with a different person hosting the event each time. The goal is to help the host with a task she assigns.  The group serves, has fun, bonds, and grows.  I'm excited to foster my relationships in this way.  I am both collaborating and rotating my routine, as Courtney suggests in her post. Winning!

Recently I accepted a position, three days a week, as a driver.  Believe it or not, this is job is a form of self care.  I chose this job because it has flexibility, fits my physical limitations, has a team atmosphere, and should never boring.  I will still have a day to "unroutine", in Courtney's terms.

While many people are focused on making subtractions in their schedules, I am confident making these additions.  I have made great progress in my minimalist journey and believe I am choosing wisely.  I am focused on self care and growing friendships.  The money I earn will be used toward goals set jointly by my husband and myself.  I'm ready!

I Choose

As I declutter and create "negative" or empty space, there are some that want me to fill it.  I want to Feng Shui everything.  I want empty space.  I have a dream of downsizing to a three bedroom home with 2 bathrooms.  Part of me believes if we downsized it we be a mental game that would thwart the need others have to fill our empty space.  I imagine the house being under 1500 sq. feet as I expect to have over night guests and would like to host gatherings.  And I want the basement for two reasons: 1) I live in the Midwest and want it as a tornado shelter 2) Part of my simple living goals include learning to can and dry food so I can buy only those foods offered from local farmers at the farmers' market.

Having only that which brings me joy in my home, my relationships, and my schedule is liberating.  Chores bring me joy.  I am taking care of my loved ones when I clean the bathroom, scoop poop, do laundry, buy food, and pay bills.  It's all good.  I don't have to spend time with negative people or fill my schedule with things I detest.  I choose.

I need to do a better job conveying the fact that I am on a minimalist mission and the benefits I have experienced so far because of it.  There seems to be some pushback from people who choose differently.  I'm really happy with my choices and my accomplishments.

For the record:
My house is much cleaner.  It is much easier and quicker to pick up.
Laundry is done regularly and is not the stressor it use to be before my capsule wardrobe.
I enjoy being in my kitchen and using my beloved tools to cook my family tasty meals.
I have time to love on my animals without feeling guilty about what needs to be done around the house.
I can host guests spur of the moment with my guest room prepped and the bathroom clean.
I waste far less food following a meal plan because I'm far less tired from not spinning my wheels.
I have time to foster authentic friendships.
I have time for self care, even if I'm not sure yet what to do.  I'm taking time to figure it out.
My family thinks I'm a rockstar superwoman and they're right!

Winter Capsule Wardrobe Week #3

I've enjoyed the cooler, yet sunny, weather this week.  I got to wear my sweaters and my coat.  I recycle my black slacks frequently as they are super comfortable and a great weight.  The jeans are getting more comfortable as I continue to heal from surgery.

Supporting My Love's Blue Mondays:

This outfit looked much better without one arm raised.  I love the sweater.

Chilly day before Christmas allowed me to wear my green sweater.  Doesn't get much sweeter.

Feel Good Friday did not disappoint.  It's hard to feel bad looking this good.

I love all my clothes, I really do.  Looking at these pictures, it's obvious that the last outfit compliments my shape the best by far.  I will keep that in mind as I move forward with my wardrobe in the spring.

Home is a Sanctuary

I enjoyed reading this poignant article entitled "How to create a luxurious life everyday life."  The article reinforced many of my current life choices, including my recent investment in stylish bras and panties.

1. Cook at Home - check.  I'm even branching out by making more meals that don't involve the crock pot to be more balanced, adding more spices, and trying new recipes.  The family is loving it.

2. Indulge in Cafe Time - good idea.  I've really wanted to join the coloring craze but when I'm home I find myself distracted by other things.  I think the cafe would be a great place to color and let my mind wonder.

3. Wear Luxurious Lingerie Everyday - check.  It may not be very swanky, but for my big girl body, I'm pleased I made the fore-mentioned investment in stylish undergarments.  I may have to look into something even more luxurious in the future.

4. Let Go of Busy - Done!

5. Cultivate a Capsule Wardrobe for Each Season - Couldn't agree more! I love my capsule wardrobe.  I also appreciate the word choice, "cultivate."  It takes some effort to find the perfect pieces but I believe it's totally worth it and so am I.  My wardrobe is an extension of love.

6.  Follow Your Own Schedule,  was an immediate - Done!  Then I read the description that included, "...listen to what is nudging you, calling your name and that is where you will find the unexpected beauty."  I'm not sure I have been doing that so I need to work on listening to what is calling me and finding unexpected beauty.

7. Discover a Personal Scent. - Alright! Time to revisit my avoidance of perfume.  Seriously, I stopped wearing it when my kids were infants because it was too much.  Now that they are young adults, I really should try again.  I like the thought of adding that touch.

8. Subscribe to Daily/Weekly/Monthly Periodicals.  This is far more challenging with my minimalist goals. The suggestion encourages regular learning and expansion of one's interests.  I may have to look into electronic versions.  I know Amazon Kindle offers numerous titles for free in the New Year as well as different times throughout the year.  Detective mode activated.  I don't want to spend money or clutter my home with subscriptions.

9. Save Time and Don't Wash Your Hair Everyday - True Dat!  My hair and scalp is much healthier when I give it regular rest between shampoos.

10. Invest in Quality Skin Care - Can I get an Amen!  I made this very investment earlier this year and it has been a true blessing.  I have subtracted acne from my face and I feel great.  I'm also subtracting some lines, dark circles, and unevenness in my complexion.  Forties are feeling fabulous!

11. Design a Workout Regimen to Look Forward To - Hit me where it hurts.  My current physical health issues make this out of the question for at least three months.  That being said, it will be the first thing I visit in the spring.

12. Find Time to Treasure Hunt - I do enjoy going on treasure hunts with and for friends.  I think if I apply it to myself, it will entail hunting for doable home improvements and that perfect thing for my dream home.

13. Be Sincere, Yet Kind - This is an ongoing process.  I do my best to be, in my word, authentic.  It is crucial to my personal values.  So glad to see it is on the list for a luxurious lifestyle.

14. Shop at Local Vendors and Boutiques - Yup, Yup.  I love my farmers' market and do my best to shop local.  A fabulous little clothing boutique just opened up very close to my home.  I was extra pleased that the shop owner has plus size options.  I purchased a top to wear for my Christmas events.

15.  Eat Real Food - As a Celiac, I eat very few processed foods.  They are quite expensive to purchase gluten free.  I will continue to explore seasonal food options to reach the maximum fresh flavor from the foods I prepare at home.

16. Elevate the Conversation - No gossiping or whining - Check.  I have started elevating the conversation at the dinner table to go beyond, "How was your day?"  Now I am hitting the hard topics  of sex, religion, and politics.  Yah, I went there!

17. Create an Evening Routine to Look Forward To - um, okay.  That requires a level of self care at the end of the day that is very challenging for me.  15 minutes?  I can, surely, do that.  Now to figure out what to do.

18. Schedule Regular Spa Appointments for Beauty and Health Maintenance - If my monthly haircut to maintain my pixie cut counts, I'm in.  I choose to spend my beauty budget on my wonderful skin care products.  There's an occasional trip to get a pedicure before a wedding or something.  I'm good with that.

19. Stock a Bar Cart for Spur-of-the-Moment Entertaining - My friends are not big drinkers, or drinkers at all really.  I do feel that keeping my house on the tidy side frees me up to make entertaining offers very spur of the moment so I will continue with that challenge and make it a point to open my home at least once a week to guests.

20. Fill Your Home With Inspired Music - That goes without saying in our home.  We are big music fans and love sharing our new finds.  Good to go!

Because many of the suggestions are done in the home, I found myself asking, "Is my home a sanctuary?"  I agree that our everyday lives should be something to enjoy and celebrate.  When subtracting or adding items in the New Year I can ask, "Does this add to my home feeling/being like a sanctuary?"

Adventure Fund

It has become clear to me that I would much rather collect memories than things.  I'm not talking about memorabilia either.  I like to do stuff rather than have stuff.  That boils down to asking myself whether the money I'm spending on stuff would be better saved so later I can have adventures.  My mission in the New Year will be to stay under budget as much as possible so I can contribute the maximum amount to my adventure fund.

One way I can save money would be to get rid of the storage unit I have not touched this year.  Yes, I have a storage unit. It's a great source of shame for me as I continue down my minimalism journey, but I have to remind myself that everything comes in time.  The storage unit is now in my sights.  There was an article I recently read here that gave the idea of considering the thrift store as one's storage unit.  To that I say, "Great Idea!"  I just figured out how I will purge the storage unit I have without feeling guilty.  Genius!!

I've hung on to things largely because my two young adult children will be moving into their own places soon.  I'm sure the money I've spent on the storage would purchase the items at the thrift store numerous times over.  My older child has a tentative move out date of February.  His application has been approved so I'm sure there will be those that argue the contents' time has finally come to be in use.  My plan is to take pictures of the items and if my son and his girlfriend want anything, I will save it at our house.  I will not have the additional bill in 2016.

My motivational question would be, "Would I rather put this money in my adventure fund?"  or "Is an adventure more important than this expense/purchase?"

Family Focus

During my presentation last week, I shared my personal motivation question when decluttering: Do I want my kids to deal with this if I die tomorrow?  It's been an important question during this first year of subtraction.  I believe this question will change in 2016.  My next few posts will be exploring what that question may be.  If you know your question, I would love to hear it.

This weekend I braved the mall with my mom, it was her wish.  I have already completed my Christmas shopping. The gifts I purchased this year were few in number, well thought out, and very meaningful.  I am pleased I had the time to find the right gifts, at the right price.  It's amazing what minimalism can do to help keep the family in focus.

There were a couple necessity items, bras & socks, on my list that were very manageable.  I was able to purchase them at one store.  I enjoyed the time I had with my mom at the mall because we were not urgently searching for just the right gift.  We drifted in and out of stores, chatting away.  I wasn't worried about making my next commitment or any chores that needed to be done.

As I reflect on our mall experience and my gift choices this year, I believe a compelling question for me in the coming year as I work to limit the items coming into my home, fill my calendar, and choose to fill my time, will need to keep a my family as my main focus.

Question #1 - Will this choice keep my family as my focus?

Winter Capsule Wardrobe Week #2

I faithfully dressed from my capsule wardrobe this week except the day I was out of commission.  I haven't worn my pearls in a while and I almost forgot how much I enjoy them.  It's been so warm that the first outfit is actually a cammy and a light weight, short sleeved cardigan.  I was still hot.

I decided to honor the sun and all its warmth with my sun shirt.  Thankfully I was able to remove the outer layer when the afternoon hit 65 degrees.  I enjoy my headbands too.

Simple outfit; no need for layers with the wonderful weather.

A little bit dressier outfit for my husband's Christmas party.  The scarf is from a hometown friend.  The shirt is from a boutique that opened up near me that has nice clothes for reasonable prices.  And did you notice the jeans?  That's right!  I wore jeans.  I also put on a layer of make-up. 

Speaking of Minimalism

Tuesday I had my first public speaking engagement on the topic of minimalism.  It was with a group of moms at a church.  I was so thankful for the opportunity to share what I've learned so far.  I prepared thoroughly but still found myself nervously wondering about all the things I could or "should" add on the morning of the presentation.  Then I reminded myself I was talking about minimalism.  If I couldn't minimize my presentation, I shouldn't be giving it.  I stuck to my script and followed my outline.  I only strayed once and it was for just a brief second, I promise.   I'm very happy to report that it went well.


Talking with the moms was very rewarding.  I was encouraged when they laughed with me about my imperfections.  They understood because they've been there.  There was a spirit of hope. I am inspired, even more, to continue my journey and find more opportunities to share.

Monday Decluttering Reset

The weekends are pleasantly full in our house.  Our kids are in and out with activities, my husband and I try to get out of the house for an activity, and the dogs love all the attention they get.  Inevitably, Monday is a reset with the amount of clean up there is to do.  I make the choice to save all cleaning until the work week because I consider housekeeping my job as I do not work outside the home.  The weekend if for the family.

The routine is different from my focused 15 minutes.  Monday is devoted to the decluttering reset so I can slowly progress through everything.  I start with a long shower with my favorite tunes.  I pamper myself with lotions and potions.  The house gets the same type of treatment.   It's very cathartic.

Here are the before and after pictures.

My husband asks me daily, "How did your day go?"  I usually give a neutral response of, "Ok."  The surprising thing is when I start to tell him what I've accomplished in a day, he always calls me on my neutral response.  He knows I'm a rockstar, even if I'm not sure.  Last month, I challenged myself to no whining.  This month I will choose to be positive and accept that I am enough.  Life is good.

Making the Most of the Thrift Store

I am making a conscious effort to reduce my carbon/environmental footprint.  I wouldn't go so far to call myself an environmental minimalist, but I'm starting.  I've decided to use the thrift store for as many items as I can.  Online shopping like Amazon is extremely convenient, but I'm determined to try the local thrift place that is near by first.  I don't go to the thrift store without a purpose.  I have specific items and a plan to use them with a relatively short time frame.  This is my way to combat clutter that takes up space.  Recently I have purchased:

1) Ice Cube Trays - I took a friend's advice to freeze milk and yogurt for daily power smoothies.  I actually went to a box store first and was not successful.  It opened my mind to the possibilities.

2) A basket and bows - I used in making a raffle basket for a charity.  The basket was $1 and so was the bag of bows.  I used it immediate upon getting home. I wish I had snagged a picture, it looked great when it was done.

3) Wrapping tissue - It's new and still in its original packaging.  With Christmas around the corner, I couldn't pass up the deal.  I used it the next day while wrapping present.

4) Books - A friend of my daughter makes a version of an altered book by creating artwork on the pages of old books.  Sometimes the art relates to the story on the page and other times, it does not. I gave them to her the next time I saw her and she was delighted.

5) T-Shirts for a themed quilt - You might have noticed I'm into a turtle theme.  I would really like a t-shirt quilt along those lines sometime in the future.  I have started looking now so I only use what I love and not the items that are available when the time comes. This requires some storage space but I've made that choice

6) Pearls - enough said, right? I wear them regularly.

As you can see, I had a plan for each purchase.  I put the items to use within days, save the t-shirts for which I have a long term goal.  I use this same philosophy when going to a regular store.  The thrift store is wily because there's a sense that the item will not be there next time and certainly not for such a low price and there's always some use for it.

Go in to a store with a plan.  Don't purchase what you don't need.  Make use of the item(s) purchased asap.

Winter Capsule Wardrobe Week #1

I dressed to go out three times this week.  I'm definitely looking forward to my haircut next week.  It seemed my hair didn't want to behave.

I love my skin care products from Roden and Fields.

I have fought acne all my life and I finally have decluttered my face.  It's so nice to have smooth, clear skin!

My other good news is I dropped 11 pounds this week!  Yup, I'm happy to be gaining momentum toward my daily routine.  It helps keep the pounds off.

If it's on the floor, you don't need it no more.

Today I got back into the groove of laundry.  The Tide that I purchased prior to my surgery had a malfunction and decided to explode/leak everywhere.  People in the house noticed, but not the extent that it had leaked.  I found a nice puddle under the bag in front of the washer.  It feels amazing to have it all cleaned up.  I look forward to my daily laundry routine resuming now.

This is the first time I am showing my before and after pictures on my blog rather than just my supportive group of peeps on FB.  This is me and I'm real.  So is my struggle to manage things at times. The majority of the clothes on top of the washer need to be air dried.  We take that term very loosely in our house.  The mess on the floor was mostly things people other than me don't know how to wash or mismatched socks belonging to the youth.  Funny thing is, they don't wear matched socks so I threw them all in the wash along with the other items that could be washed and I deemed worth saving.

Obviously in had been put in the down position where it liked to leak.

It took me about 40 minutes to get to the results you see in the after picture.  Much more than my normal 15 minute focused clean up.  It was well worth it.  

(Side note: you can save a lot of money if you can live with a washer and dryer that don't match.)

After today, I may start a new motto:  "If it's on the floor, you don't need to no more."

Cha, Cha, Cha, Changes

I watched "Hoarding, Buried Alive" last night for the first time this year.  Last year I binged watched it until they started to repeat shows.  Some watch the show and say, "Thank God, I'm not that bad."  For me, it's very motivating.  I'm not in a hoarding situation and I never want material things to have power over me.

Last night's episode featured an older couple. They were forced to deal with their problem after the ambulance team reported them to to the county. The gurney wouldn't make it to the bedroom.  The wife admitted she was purposefully not taking her medication because she wanted to end her life.   The three adult children were the support group along with a licensed counselor.  It was so sad to see the mom focus on hoard items when her children were trying desperately to gain her attention.  The counselor then explained how addiction works and holds an immense power to consume the hoarder.  Then I got to thinking about my situation in a different way.  Yesterday morning, when I stepped on the scale, I hit an all time high number: 250.  Maybe I was watching this episode it an attempt to feel better about myself.  Maybe I have an addiction.

I made it a topic of my therapy session today.  My therapist reminded me that I deal with lot of health issues for which I take medication.  That medication is what peaked my weight in the first place.  In recent months, life has thrown a few emotional curve balls.  I had back-to-back surgeries and numerous medication changes, in November alone, to improve a chronic condition.  My therapist concluded that I have not misplaced an addiction because I didn't start with one.  Yes turned to comfort food in a time of stress and frustration.  It has added about 20 pounds to an already large number made by the meds.

I guess when I think about it, this is a journey and I have to tackle minimizing my stuff everyday.  Whether it's household items, emotional baggage, weight, memorabilia, food, or cyber clutter, it has to be dealt with on a regular basis.  And that's what I'm doing.  I'm not running from the situation.  I am positive I can make the changes needed to make the change needed.

Winter Outfit #1

On Tuesday, just 4 days ago, I had another surgery that lasted 3 hours to repair some issues with the surgery on the 13th. I made a promise to myself that I would put my winter capsule wardrobe to use when I got back in the real world.  There was also a promise made to my son a while back that I would make my famous lasagna that his dad always remembers fondly.  I haven't made it since I was diagnosed a Celiac over 6 years ago.

This afternoon I went to the grocery store to purchase lasagna ingredients and put this outfit together -

I put on make-up and styled my hair with mousse.  I wanted to blow it dry, but my hair dryer was MIA.  I'm certain one of the girls in the house must have borrowed it.

The decision to go to the nicer grocery provided self care by minimizing stops and offered a drive up service to load my car.  I remembered by reusable bags to minimize my environmental footprint as well. 

My famous lasagna retained its pedestal status.  My son has informed me that I can never again purchase Stouffers lasagna.  It has been a successful day.

Capsule Wardrobe Winterized

I'm learning so much in my journey.  I am learning to focus.  I have the time to enjoy the little things I love so much.  Even though I have been out of commission recovering from surgery, I have a bright outlook because I've learned that I can bring my house back in order in a short amount of time combining focus and joy.

Today I will be winterizing my 33 times as I have officially turned on the heat.  I will remove the skirts because they are simply too cold for me.  I will replace them with warm pants.  I have light weight cardigans that I will be switching out for heavier/warmer styles.  That means a bit of shopping for me.  Thankfully, I finally found shoes that are appropriate for winter and properly support my tendonitis ridden feet just before I had surgery.

With my epiphany regarding self care, I am making it my goal to utilized my wardrobe each day as well as do my hair and make up.  Its unlikely that I will have plans to go out everyday but I'm doing this for me.  I like myself in the 33 items I have chosen.  I enjoy the compliments my husband gives me when I make an effort.  For the record, he gives me compliments when I'm in sweats and have bed head hair.  It's just hard to accept those.

I'm going to make this journey more public and start posting pictures on my blog.  Get ready.  It's going to be fun!

Self Care

A questioned that comes up often in my circle is, "What do you do for self care?"  The typical response ranges from getting a Starbucks coffee to a spa day.  These things are deemed for special occasions in my book.  They definitely qualify as treating oneself, but I think we're looking at the question wrong.  I think self care is something we should do everyday.

When I think of how I care for my kids, spouse, or pups, I immediately think of providing food.  Then I think of activities.  I think of clothing, quality sleep, and entertainment.  If I translate that into my own care, I need to be feeding myself properly.  I need to insure quality sleep.  I need to exercise, wear clothing I love, and do some fun things too.  As a mom, I am guilty of neglecting all of those things.  Basic things to many people.

When I had surgery last week, the importance of self care became very clear.  I found myself extremely tired and hungry with an afternoon procedure scheduled.  I became very negative and complained a lot.  It demonstrated how much easier it is to keep a positive attitude when I'm well rested and have eaten properly.  It's important to keep those things in mind during the holiday season.

My capsule wardrobe helps me feel my best with the greatest of ease.  I am no longer overwhelmed by choices of sub-par options.  My FitBit allows me to connect to family and friends all over and have fun with challenges while meeting my goals.

I appreciate that life has slowed down as a result of my minimalism. It allows me to focus on basic self care daily.  I don't have to go out of my way, let alone my house, to be good to myself.  That's a huge lesson.

What cha gonna do about it?

As November approaches, I'm looking forward to a new challenge.  It's easy to suspect a gratitude challenge, but that's not it.  No, I'm going to challenge myself not to complain.  There are plenty of studies that support the idea that one needs only to choose to be happy and the day will go better.  As one that struggles with depression, I find the suggestion to "just decide to be happy" repulsive.  I do not choose depression.  It is a beast that leaves a person feeling powerless.  Complaining is often a symptom of powerlessness and/or something one does to seek attention.  So, what cha gonna do about it?

If one feels powerless, how about trying to reestablish power?  Ask, "What can I do about this?"  For instance, recently I have been struggling with my Celiac symptoms and racking my brain on how or where I might have poisoned myself.  I was assuming food was the issue since I had the privilege of eating out on several occasions.  I buckled down and only ate what I cooked and still had issues.  I did complain about the situation and then I did some hard thinking and the only thing different was a pain med I was taking.  I went into action and called the pharmacy who gave me the manufacturer's name.  I went online and found that my prescription did, in fact, contain gluten.  More complaining on my part.  Then I started thinking about this post and what I could do about it.  Well, I called my doctor and left a message asking for a non-generic & gluten-free pain killer.  Power reestablished.

I shall now embark on a month, minimum, without complaining.  I'm sure I will catch myself complaining plenty of times in the beginning, which is why I'm giving myself a few days head start.  The plan is to catch myself earlier and earlier in the complaining cycle and be a person of action rather than complaint.  If I truly cannot do anything, I will use the serenity prayer and ask for help to accept the situation. 

Clutter-Free Christmas Gift Ideas

If you travel, this list is valuable so you don't have to pack or send or wrap a bunch of gifts.  If you have family that travels to you, these gifts are great so your traveling family members don't have to figure out how to get the gifts home.  If you're a minimalist, these gifts are a blessing because they create memories and not clutter.

1) Membership to a
a) zoo
b) science center
c) museums
d) activity center
e) theme park
f) arboretum

2) Gift certificate to
a) cooking class
b) restaurant/coffee shop
c) dinner theatre
d) hot air balloon ride
e) race car school
f) car detailing
g) movie

A more budget friendly option is to purchase a gas card and then research free attractions in your loved one's area that they can travel to or just help them get home. (Seriously as one who travels for most holidays, gas cards are a blessing.)

I'll keep thinking on this, but this was in my brain today and I needed to share.  Hope it's helpful.

The Biggest Subtraction

As of 2012, more than 10% of children live with at least one parent that is an alcoholic. (Source)
One in six women will be a victim of sexual assault.
15% are under the age of 12. (Source)
97% know their attacker.
34% are incest.
Rape victims will develop Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is between 50-90% of the time. (source)
Rape victims are four time more likely to have contemplated suicide than non-crime victims and 13 times more likely to have attempted suicide. (source)
There is a nice chart found on this website with a breakdown on the types of abuse and at what rate they are experienced by children.  The largest being 28.3% experience a physically abusive home.  Another dreadful fact is that adult survivors of an abusive home are likely to die two decades before their non abused peers.

Why do I share this, because I'm hurting and raw with emotion.  I am fighting every day against the odds I just listed.  I have been abused physically & mentally.  I have been raped by someone I know.  I have PTSD.  And, shocking to many, I know at any given moment how I can/would end my life.  Sometimes the depression and trauma response to a trigger are so intense the only escape is to know I have control to end it all.  However, suicide is not an option for me.  I made a promise to my family that I would never do that.  They have promised to be by my side and hang tough through the swings.

At a recent visit to my psychiatrist, he very bluntly shared many of these statistics with me and "prepared" me for the difficult road ahead like I didn't know about it.  I have been hospitalized six times.  I have a well stocked tool box of top-notch equipment I use fairly deafly to present myself to the world as "normal."  That should give a clue to how difficult things are right now that I would describe myself as raw with emotion.  I hurt physically.  I hurt and struggle emotionally.  I can't sleep and I'm exhausted.

The biggest subtraction I can hope for is one day to be free of the pain, numb to the triggers, and done with the constant battle against the demons I face.  I know I am not alone.  I also know that no one can change what has happened and it is up to me to do the work necessary to heal.  I wish there was a respite place, not the psych unit where they teach me about the tools I already know and use, but a place where I'm cared for like a child the way I wasn't as a child.

This post is likely to cause people that love me to hurt.  That is not my intent.  My husband, my children, and my mom are all fully supportive in any way possible to ease my pain and struggles. I am so blessed to have them in my life.  I love you and all that you do for me.  Don't give up on me.  I'm fighting the good fight with everything I have.

Don't Stop Believin'

My plans of completing the front landscaping this weekend didn't quite complete themselves.  It's okay, I made great progress and great weather is forecasted for several days.  Thank you, Jesus.

If you are familiar with the song by Journey, "Don't Stop Believin," you know the next line is, "Hold On To That Feelin."  It is so important to my journey to keep a journal of the good times so it's easier to hold on to the feelings of accomplishment.  Set backs happen and I don't want to stop believing my goals are possible, because they ARE.

The most important thing is for me to believe in myself.  When I'm running low on self powered belief, I need to reach out and listen to the support of friends.  The type of friends that share your vision, some that have known you a while, and some that have only just met but already speak truth and encouragement to you.  The people on my Facebook group by the same name are these type of people; loving, encouraging, & inspiring.

With October bringing about the onset of the Holiday Prep Season, I have proposed to my group that we do a de-crapifying challenge with the goal to have a more peaceful and enjoyable Holiday Season.  The ground rules for the challenge, declutter a number of items that matches the date of the month.  On that day, the items are to be out of the house (in the trash or donated).  Our goal is not organizing on this one.  We need to have less stuff in the house so there will be less stress.

Thursday, Oct. 1st - Rid your house of    1    clutter item.  Starting with something a small as a sheet of paper is A-OK.

Friday, Oct. 2nd - Rid your house of   2   clutter items.
*Bonus Friday project, find out about bulk pick-up in your town and if there are any hazardous waste dump sites/dates coming up.

Saturday, Oct. 3rd - Rid your house of    3   clutter items.  (I'm really starting to feel like The Count on Sesame Street.)
*Bonus Saturday project - Start talking to your kids now about the meaning of Christmas and the possibility of donating some of their toys to kids in need.  Very soon you will start seeing donation sites offered by the Marines and such.  I know a very good local charity, Mission Southside, will be collecting donations for their free garage sales.

Sunday, Oct. 4th - Day of rest.  You've started strong this weekend.  Maybe fill the family in on your challenge and see if they can be recruited for the next week.  Find something to use as a gratitude journal.

Monday, Oct. 5th - Rid your house of   5   clutter items.  I don't know about you but I have to go on some major upkeep missions on Monday after a busy weekend.  I'm personally going for a trash bag or two on this day.  Maybe your 5 items will fit in a plastic grocery sack and call it good!

Tuesday, Oct. 6th - Rid your house of    6   clutter items.  I hope Mother Nature will have decided at this point that we are entering fall and I will be able to make some meaningful decisions on my fall wardrobe.  I've actually lost some weight so there will be things leaving my closet and going to the Closet Mentor or Savers.

Wednesday, Oct 7th - Rid your house of   7  lucky/unlucky clutter items.  I think anything broken fits in this category.  And I hate to add that they will likely be of sentimental value, but are they really bringing you joy?

Thursday, Oct 8th - Ready for the weekend? Almost?  Rid your house of   8   clutter items.  I will tackle the freezer on this day to make space for holiday gluten-free treats.

Friday, Oct. 9th - Rid your house of   9   clutter items.  I'll be keeping Halloween in mind for this challenge.  Costumes that can be donated, items repurposed for others' costumes, Mission Southside will see my face once again.

Saturday, Oct. 10th - Rid your house of   10  clutter items.  It's getting real at this point.  Have you checked under the sinks recently?  I'm guessing I can find 10 things to send to the hazardous waste site.

Sunday, Oct. 11th - Day of Rest.  This has been quite the productive week.  A gratitude journal entry may be a good idea or starting one (use stuff from around the house - no need to buy a pretty journal at this point.)

Monday, Oct. 12th - Rid your house of   12   clutter items.  How many loner socks you got?  There's an adorable preschool type snowman project on Pinterest right now.  Find it, print out the instructions, and then DONATE the socks to a local preschool or elementary school.  Budget cuts are serious my friends.  Our school teachers need the help.

Tuesday, Oct. 13th - Rid your house of   13  clutter items.  I'm going back to the toys today.  If you don't have kids, you likely have hobbies and hobby supplies that might bless someone else who is looking to make something for the holidays.  Don't hoard that stuff.  Visit the nursing home with some yarn, craft paper, glue sticks, etc.

Wednesday, Oct. 14th - Rid your house of   14   clutter items.  Oh, hump day, how I love thee.  Winter is coming and blankets will be used, but I think 30 is too many for me.  I KNOW there are people in great need of these items and I will be blessed by giving generously.

Thursday, Oct. 15th - Are you ready for the weekend?  The busy Holiday season really is getting close and I appreciate my bedroom being a sanctuary so I'm getting Rid of   15   clutter items from my bedroom.

Friday, Oct. 16th - Mad Dash Day for the parties, trick-or-treaters, and such, BUT First you must Rid your house of   16   clutter items.  May I suggest going through the kitchen.  Take stock, what are you REALLY going to need in the next 90 days.  I bet there's at least 16 things that don't make the list.

Saturday, Oct. 17th - Hey, Kids!  Mom's got this Saturday thing where she likes putting things into perspective.  Let's decide now how we are going to handle any excess candy.  This applies to homes without small children as well.  Know where that candy is going to go Nov. 1st.  Staying in the house is not an option.  (The trash is - shhhh - I won't tell.)  Oh, and we need to get rid of   17   clutter items.  I hear witched witches like shoes.  What's your shoe situation.  Can you manage 8 pairs and spare?  Bet you can! (I won't tell family members about this one either.)

Sunday, Oct. 18th - Day of Rest.  Another journal entry perhaps?  I knew you could do it.  You're amazing!!!

Monday, Oct. 19th - Rid your house of   19   clutter items.  Did you know you only have to keep tax stuff for 7 years?  We're all afraid of the IRS but I don't need the water bills from my house 7 years ago in a different state.   Seriously.  You need pay stubs, itemized deductions receipts, donation receipts, medical expenses, and maybe a few other items for your individual situation.  Water bills, electric bills, cable bills, phone bills, newspaper subscriptions, magazines.... You may find you have 19 pounds instead of items.  (My donation last week was 32 pounds and cost $25 to be shred by a service in two seconds flat.)

Tuesday, Oct. 20th - Rid your house of    20   clutter items.  This is a big number and the weather is changing so how about an outdoor challenge.  Spruce up the landscaping, do some raking, pick up sticks (kids are great at that one), get rid of annuals that have passed their due date.  Bag it up and get it to the curb or the recycling station.  Your house is going to look so sweet for the Holidays!

Wednesday, Oct 21st - Rid your house of   21   clutter items.  I spent significant time over the Labor Day weekend going through pictures and hanging those most meaningful to our family.  Now it's time to revisit what is left over.  I'm sure I can find 21 pictures that will be a blessing to friends and family with a nifty little note of the importance of their role in our lives.

Thursday, Oct 22nd - Is it almost the weekend, AGAIN!!! Man this challenge is keeping me on my toes.  Toes...Toes..Mistletoes!! I'm going to tackle some of our holiday decorations.  I don't want to be too emotional as I start decorating.  I can do this, donate   22   items.  I can bless someone before the crazy part of the season starts and it will help them celebrate their blessings like I'm so privileged to do.

Friday, Oct 23rd - Make a menu based on items you already have in the pantry, fridge, and freezer.  Pull them out and start cooking.  (Think soups if you're not sure what to do.)  If you can eat from these three sources and NOT go to the grocery store this week, you will have rid your home of at least    23    items, leaving room for Holiday supplies.

Saturday, Oct. 24th - It's the final countdown.  Costumes - Check? Party supplies - Check? Pet care - Check?  Well then, let's rock this joint, rock it inside out!  Divide 24 by the total number of rooms in your house.  For me I have 5 bedrooms, 5 bathrooms, kitchen, dining room, front room, and 2 living rooms.  That's 15 rooms.  I'll take off my son and daughters bedrooms and bathrooms.  That's just over two items from each room.  No problem!!  Savers will LOVE me!

Sunday, Oct. 25th - Day of rest and a journal entry.

Monday, Oct. 26th - Let's pretend in our heads that it's actually December 26th.  You know that day with all the wrapping paper to throw away, new toys & gifts to integrate into the house, the relief that you made it?  What   26 things can you rid your home of today that will make that day easier?  Make a sweep of the toy room?  Make a concerted effort in the garage?  (Cars like being in the garage in the winter.  Keeps 'em happy and me too because I don't have to freeze while I scrape the windows.)  Dare I say the word, "Basement?" or is "Attic" more scary?  It is almost Halloween so I'm going for scary here.

Tuesday, Oct. 27th - Two-Fer-Tuesday.  What duplicates do you have around the house?  Would some of them make excellent gifts?  If not for your family and friends, then a family in need?  Ask the church what they may need for their charity drive.  Toilet paper, soap, shampoos, other things for mission trips, stocking up for the cold season for a homeless shelter.  Get the list, often online.  You got this!!!!

Wednesday, Oct. 28th - Hang with me here.  I would like to make this a paper challenge with a twist. Find   28 pieces of paper to declutter.  Then on each one with a Sharpie marker, I want you to write out negative thoughts, words, catch phrases, memories, etc on the paper and have yourself a cathartic burning party.  I can preach safety, but I respect you're all adults and can manage this task in the most healing and safe way possible.

Thursday, Oct. 29th - Boo! It's Halloween weekend.  You've done a fantastic job and I'm so proud of you!  You've made it through almost the entire week without going to the grocery store.  Impressive!  Now I want you to recycle   29   plastic bags.  Bonus points for more. :)

Friday, Oct. 30th - This may be your town's "Beggars' Night."  If so, I'm sure you can be generous and give out   30   items to the little ones at your door.   Don't judge the big kids, just give 'em the candy.  It may be the only food they get over the weekend.  It may be the first time they've made friends since starting high school.  They can burn through the calories much faster than I can so let them have it.

Saturday, Oct. 31 - Remember that plan we had for any extra candy?  Before going to bed, load it up in the car to be taken to the destination of choice (or just toss it in the trash.  it's okay. it really is.)

You challenge is complete and by my calculations; you've decluttered 438 items from your home.  You Rock!!!!!!!!!!

Using My Spoons Like I Want

If you struggle with health issues, you may be familiar with the spoon theory. Minimalism helps a person suffering with chronic illness/pain keep their spoons for things they want to do rather than things they have to do, in my opinion.  That's my experience anyway.

Here's a list of ways I want to use my spoons.

1) Go to my spot and take a deep breath, meditate for a bit, and appreciate how far I've come.

2) Do something special for my husband and/or kids that speaks to their love language to remember why I'm on this journey in the first place.

3) Watch the sunrise or sunset to help keep me grounded and connected to the life force.

4) Spend time with the bubs and Sir Charles.

5) Attend the farmers' market and talk with the vendors.

6) Have family dinner, including a few guests.

7) Play board/card games.

8) Dance in the kitchen with My Love.

9) Enjoy a recharging siesta with an uncluttered brain.

10) Sing at the top of my lungs to the songs that move me.

Minimalism is like laundry - It never ends!

Labor Day weekend is for labor around our household.  I've been feeling a bit under-accomplished with my minimalism the last few weeks.  In reality I've come a LONG way and the house is in pretty good shape.  That being said, I've been opening some cupboards and looking at what is organized and asking myself, "If it's been untouched for 6 months, do I need it and if so, is there a better place for it?"

I've tried selling some larger items like a dog house, a toddler table and chairs, and more - enough to fill the back of our F-150.  It all made it do the local donation site that benefits Big Brothers & Big Sisters.  It felt really good.  I decreased our blanket count by half, mainly keeping the quilts that are meaningful to us.

The biggest and most difficult project for me this weekend is hanging a bunch of family photos that have been stored in the guest room closet.  I love them, but I hate putting holes in the wall and there will be a lot when I get this project done.  Putting it into prospective though, the pictures mean a great deal.  They need a place of honor.

Again I find myself checking in with Grace and she kindly reminds me that this is a process, a journey; one that isn't going to stop.  I'm happy that I've greatly reduced my purchases.  With each one I make sure it will be beneficial and put to use immediately.  One of my latest purchases was a couple of artisan switch plate covers and I adore them.  So happy I made the investment and the old switch plates have been donated.

I'm going to keep Stella within my viewing range to remind me staying slow and steady will grow beautiful things.

Definition of Crap

The topic on the radio today was discussing ways to thin one's schedule.  I called in with the easy-peasy answer to de-crapify your schedule.  My advice was too vague and I decided to correct that and posted to the DJ's Facebook page.

Here is my list of things that must be done:
1) Work
2) Eat - grocery shop
3) Exercise
4) Dr. Appts.
5) Make sure your kids (human and/or fur babies are doing 1-4)

The rest is non-essential crap that one must prioritize to find a balance.  I know some will find a glaring hole in the essentials that I did not include something faith based, but I find my zen when I exercise and commune with nature.  Prayer is part of my routine but it fits in with the essentials listed.

To help in getting the essentials done I offered some concrete suggestions.

1) Utilize grocery stores that offer delivery service if you're able to shop for at least a week and not make more trips to the store.

2) Become an Amazon Prime member and install the app on your phone.  You can easily see how Amazon's prices compare by opening the app and scanning the product.  I find even more ease in using the Subscribe and Save program with the online coupons they offer as well.

3) If you want to shop locally, many stores allow you to shop online and then have the store staff pull your items.  All you have to do is show up, verify your order with your smart phone, and show and ID.  Super sweet and time saving.

4) Start a carpool with other parents whose kids' share your kids interests.  If you have teenagers please encourage/require them to get their learner's permit asap.  You aren't doing anyone any favors by waiting because you're scared.  If they don't learn with you at their side, they will learn on their own or from their friends.  Seriously, make the investment (get some valium or prozac if need be) to teach your kids how to drive.  In our state they can get their permit at 14.  With enough hours driving with a parent, they are allowed to drive to school and school functions at 15. And the systems continues to graduate from there.  There are a lot of benefits to having a teen driver.

5) Don't put off the doctor.  This are far less expensive financially and emotionally if they are dealt with sooner than later.  I find having a set day for appointments is best.

The Other Side - A Place of Dirt and Weeds

My favorite saying is, "The grass is greener where you water it."  The thing about watering grass is it has to be done regularly, dare I say often.  You can be the other side offering inspiration.  Sure, there will be those who are simply envious because they haven't figured out how to water their grass, but I choose to focus on the positive impact I can have by taking care of my stuff.

Watering my yard is using my capsule wardrobe to look good because I value myself and expect others to value me as well; Building authentic, reciprocal  relationships that can grow by hosting people in my house that is inviting; Staying focused on the importance of family and having time for meaningful conversations where I give my undivided attention; Giving grace whether it's deserved or not because I need it too.  These are all things in my control.   For me, "The Other Side" are those things not in my control.   For those things, I still have a sphere of influence.

I'm pro-life and the best thing I can do as a mom of older teenagers is to let them know I welcome grandchildren, now and forever.  I am against violence, and prefer not to be a victim so I take measures to protect myself. Yes, that means I am all for the second amendment and citizens arming themselves.  I take the opportunity seriously by attending training and practicing regularly.  I work on helping my kids communicate their needs and share their thoughts so they know they are valued. I am an Ally to the LGBTQ community.  There will be haters and I can't control that but, I will defend the right to love whomever one loves until my dying breath.

There are also two sides to mental health: wellness and illness.  Believe it or not, the two can co-exist. I am taking all the steps towards wellness: Therapy - check, Meds - check, Exercise - check, Food - check, Self care - check, Support network utilized - check.  Yet still, the illness flares.  Such is the case for me at this time.   Tending to my crabgrass filled yard is a tedious, back breaking feat but it must be done for I refuse to go to a place of dirt and weeds.

Hey Wonderwoman!

I felt as if I had found my groove over the past couple of months.  I was faithfully walking my dogs in the early am.  I would come home and do a few chores and work on a minimalist project.  My step count was increasing weekly (love my FitBit) and I was losing weight, per doctors' orders, slowing but surely.  Now I have order to rest for 10 days.  It turns out all my productive steps were doing serious damage to my feet.  I am on a 21 day round of steroids with lots of tlc protocols to follow for healing.

The hardest part of this forced slow down is the amount of help I must ask for from my family.  Thankfully they are understanding and supportive.  So I must ask myself, why am I so uncomfortable with asking for help when it is so willingly given in response each time?  Honestly? It's because I have yet to minimize the amount of things for which I feel responsible.  My gut says it my job, I'm taking advantage of my loved ones by asking for help, stop being lazy.

A minimalist house does not stay clean simply because it has minimal stuff in it.  It still takes effort, far less than before I started this journey, but effort still.  In this reflective moment I must say how much I love my family.  They have embraced my "personal" minimalist movement and made the journey so enjoyable with their praise of my progress and honoring my efforts.  They do not see it as "my job" or "taking advantage" of them and let me know I am far from "being lazy."

Why I would listen to my gut, which clearly has issues because it is a Celiac, could be viewed as slightly off.  I need to be listening to my loved ones.  I need to find that inner voice of Grace that I know exists.  Let's tune into Grace and see what she has to say:

Hey Wonderwoman!  It's me, Grace.  You've been doing a great job setting and meeting your goals lately and I'm so proud of all your progress.  I've noticed you being hard on yourself lately and I'd like to assure you, you are still Wonderwoman.  Taking care of yourself is the hardest thing for you to do, next to letting others take care of you.  Your goals are different, but none less important.  You will get back to walking in time.  There's no rush right now.  You are not weak.  You are not a failure.  You're freaking Wonderwoman!  Got it?  Now sit back and enjoy the show of the life you have created: a loving, supportive family, good friends, cozy home, & your fur-babies.

The Details Are In The Journey

I admit if I'm walking, I want to be headed to a destination.  Recently that viewpoint has changed as I'm learning to slow down and enjoy nature and the outdoors in general.

While visiting a cousin in Seattle, we walked at a pretty good pace and would be in the middle of talking when she would stop suddenly to take a picture of the smallest of details that she had noticed.  It may be a flower, the shadows playing on a surface, a cool car or motorcycle, the birds, street art of some sort, or something else.  She modeled for me the art of being mindful of the beauty in the details that surrounds us.

Since returning from Seattle, I have been taking daily walks with my dogs in the early morning.  The park where we walk is off leash so the dogs can enjoy all the scents they desire and I can practice my mindfulness.  I enjoy watching the sunrise unfold each morning; the subtle details in the sky's coloring as the sun emerges over the horizon.  It is a great way to start my day.

I've made friends during our time at the park.  Early morning walkers are a faithful breed, dedicated not only to their dogs but seem to share the same need for a bit of grounding before starting the day's dealings with the world at large.  Funny enough, as we walk and talk, it is now me that stops and points out a detail or takes a picture or comments on an animal's morning song.

In my minimalist journey I am freeing up the physical clutter which has freed up some mental clutter as well.  I no longer wish to collect things but rather memories and I wish to experience life to the fullest.  I've had a goal to entertain more and I'm meeting that goal because of my progress.  My house is more open, easier to keep up, welcoming, and I can focus on interactions with my guests.  I guess it boils down to acknowledging the positives in paying attention to the details during the journey.

Dream Weaver

As you know, if you've been reading my blog, my personal minimalist movement has been a deconstruction of sorts.  As I've purged a lot of physical things, I've faced my non-physical clutter as well.

The theme to many quotes about minimalism on my favorite blog suggests that pursuing a minimalist life allows one to focus on what's most important, to follow dreams that have been hidden, and to have bigger dreams than owning stuff.

Maybe it's part of the process, but I'm not dreaming big.  The most important things to me are helping people, hosting people in my home, and someday becoming a grandma.  Somehow by reading all the inspirational quotes about minimalism, I've become ashamed of my simple goals.  There continues to be outside pressures to do more, be busy, consume, and produce.  I don't feel the need to explain myself to the people that apply the pressure and I especially am not trying to convert anyone to minimalism.  It is a personal movement (period).

One day the scale of helping people may change from one person or family at a time to helping the masses.  My simple dinner guest invites followed by a joyful board game may turn in to a feast to feed thousands.  Maybe my children will never have children, but I'll be that person who goes to Grandparents Day with a neighborhood kid or two.  I'm not sure, but I really want to shed the shame.

So Dream Weaver, I believe we can make it through the night.  (And yes, I'm singing those lyrics as I type them.)  Tomorrow's a new day and I'm on a journey to better myself and help others.  I've got more work to do and I will simply be open to opportunities that present themselves and align with my goals.  I am shedding the shame and accepting the reality that my personal journey is just that.  I have not reached my destination.

Shall It Stay or Shall It Go?

This is a big question for me as I continue my personal minimalist journey.  Last night I challenged myself to fill a laundry basket four times with items to donate.  I made three baskets full and called it a day.  It was emotionally draining to look at these items that were in perfectly good shape and most of them never used.  But that's the thing, they've never been used.  I know I had a reason for buying them and great plans for the items but they overwhelm me.

I've made a new friend recently and after walking with her each day for over a week and talking about two hours during the walks she questioned my statement that I am not a creative person and have no talent when it comes to art.  It's true, by the way; I can barely make stick figures, I don't sew, I can't paint, I don't make jewelry, scrapbook, or anything else.  I can tell you I've given each of them a fervent try and the stress the projects created far outweighed any benefits of the finished product.

So I am allowing myself to release these precious items knowing there will be a talented artist, craftsman/woman, or simply a kid wanting to explore that will make great use of the items.  I have made a promise that I will only purchase items that have an immediate use.  That means a 48 hour turn around in my case because if I do attempt anything crafts, it will be a super easy project.  I know others that live and breathe arts and crafts and I admire them.  They can turn anything into something beautiful.  The world needs people like that.  I'm just saying I'm not one of them and that's okay too.

I guess this is part of my transition.  Recognizing that as much as I love people who make beautiful things and find their work so inspiring I wish to emulate them, that's not where my skills lie.  This personal minimalist movement of mine is radically changing the way I view myself and things I allow to hold space in my home and my mind.  I'm working towards a clean slate of sorts.  I wish be extremely intentional when I chose to add something.  It will be beneficial, loved, and something that evokes emotion or action.

What's my worth?

It happens this time of year every year.  I'm in my peak physical and mental condition.  I feel strong and ready to tackle the world.  I struggle with the intense desire to get a job, not just to add a little income to the family budget, but to "prove" my worth.  My husband tells me frequently that he cannot put a value on the duties and tasks I perform as a stay-at-home mom.  My family does not take me for granted.

This begs the question in my mind, have I bought into the idea that business defines me?  Is it just human connections I crave, more person to person interaction than my current situation offers?  It's getting harder to justify to others the value of my stay-at-home status when my kids have now both graduated from high school.

Do I define my worth simply as a child of God?  A mother? A daughter? A wife? A friend?  Anyone can have similar labels but am I do I excel in each of my roles?  Is that my worth?

~~~~~~~~~Screeching Halt~~~~~~~Girl Interrupted~~~~~~~~Trigger Warning Alert~~~~~~~~~

The thoughts shared above were rattling around in my brain earlier this week as many things about my children's future were in the air.  I was feeling frustrated with my emotions as they mature and are learning to fly.  I also ran out of a very important medication in my wellness plan that helps me stabilize my emotions regarding my PTSD.  I'm in a bad timing period with a new mail order prescription plan.  My doctor will only prescribe refills when I am at my appointment and that's not until next Monday.

I have gotten fewer a fewer sleep time as the nightmares invade my brain.  The lack of sleep makes dealing with triggers in the day time harder to manage.  I'm still able to use my tools but it is utterly exhausting.  The exhaustion fuels the inability to to concentrate and process any new information.  And then I break.

It happened last night.  I took my medication, including a high dose of a particular sleep medication, and went to bed.  I had a nightmare within a dream.  My nightmare was my trauma.  I was being raped, my perineum was tearing, I was screaming and no one could hear me.  In the dream I was waking up from the nightmare and things were warped as well.  I couldn't calm down. I could't get myself to wake up.  I was in an infinite loop of trauma.

When I finally awoke I was experiencing the trauma physically and mentally.  I felt pain in my perineum area.  Every muscle was wrought with tension and it hurt to move.  My brain was reeling with the emotions associated with the trauma.  I am violated.  I am voiceless.  I am so very broken.

My night ended with a trip to the ER to manage the anxiety response and get medications to help me sleep.  The snowball needed to slow its roll.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Back to the previous programming/post~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You may being seeing way I struggle with the question of my worth.  Would you have coffee with me?  Am I worth the time?  Would you share a meal at my house or be terrified and assume the food would be uneatable because of our dietary restrictions?  Would you use your time to sit with me and distract me from the pain by talking about nothing and everything?

I'm not busy in the modern sense of the word.  Do I have to be to be worthy of someone's time?  Does it mean more for me to have coffee with you if I give you a litany of things I put off to prioritize time spent with you?  Is it easier to to say no because the perception is I'm always available?

I guess what I'm saying is that I don't feel like I'm the one that defines my worth.  It's only what the market will bear.  So maybe you can help answer the question, what's my worth?

Soothing Calmness

As I type one handed in the comfort of my front room, my husband's head is resting in my lap.  The pups are sprawled out on the floor at my feet and the only sound is each of them snoring ever so slightly.  They are relaxed and peaceful.  I'm loving it.  Sure there's a few things on my to-do list but they are not critical and will wait.

This moment is deeply satisfying to me as much as them.  This is my now.  It is also a glimpse of the future as I have stayed true to my personal minimalist movement.  The bubs (our nickname for the dogs) and I walked 4 miles at the crack of dawn. When we returned home, just after 7am, My Love was finishing sharpening the mower blades.  He reassembled the mower and I cut grass as he tended to the flower bed.  We continued to have a productive morning and I took my siesta at 1pm while he ran a few errands.

So now it's his turn for a well deserved siesta.  There was a time, numerous years ago, when My Love dreaded coming home because of the chaotic clutter.  He slept to escape, not recharge.  He was not relaxed nor peaceful.  I have come a long way.  The dramatic effects of minimizing have snowballed, ever so wonderfully,  not only in our home and in my head space, but to the entire family.  There is a calmness that is soothing.

My wish for those who read my blog and are on their own journey, is that they will experience the soothing calmness I feel right now.  I know it's attainable and I hope you know it as well.

Holding Space

A good friend shared an article about a person's experience with palliative care and the nurse's gift for  "holding space."  Here's a link. It details how nurses, and others close to the family, can support those facing end of life transitions.

It was a helpful article for me as I process the transition of becoming an empty nester.  Holding space for my children by offering a safe place to just be, not giving them too much information, letting them figure out their own system and other topics addressed are all things that apply to their journey into adulthood.  In essence, the article translated as a how-to on being a minimalist (free range) parent of young adults vs. a helicopter parent.

The article addressed the fine line one walks when holding space for another.  An important lesson I learned, and greatly appreciate, from my mom is the practice of not offering an opinion unless asked. I'm putting that lesson to use more and more during this transition.  Spending time with my daughter and her three roommates for a short time showed me that I do need to reinforce life skills like how to organize a pantry, cook a meal, clean the bathroom, etc.  That does not mean that I need to play peace keeper and solve the issues of who is to clean the bathroom or the shower schedule or anything like that.

I believe by holding space for my children I am strengthening the bond with them.  I trust them.  I believe they will succeed and make good decisions.  I also know they will make mistakes and they will still have a safe place to be themselves.  I also have an opinion anytime they want to ask. :)

The last piece I am working on is making sure I have those people in place that will hold space for me.  Like most transitions, this one is a bit messy in the middle.  Having a safe place to be myself and say whatever is on my mind in a uncensored, unedited version, is a must.  My way of handling things isn't going to be like the majority and that's okay.  I'm learning to surf here and it's not always pretty.

I believe I will always be working on this skill rather than ever mastering it.  I appreciate those that have paved the way for managing difficult transitions with grace.  Your journey wasn't for nothing.

Learning to Surf

"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf."

~ Jon Kabat-Zinn

Professor of Medicine Emeritus at the University of Massachusetts Medical School

Ya know, this isn't going to be a very good post if I try to use surfing metaphors because I don't know any.  I imagine it being a lot like the sensation of riding a rollercoaster except it takes exceptional skill.  

When I think of the emotional rollercoaster that is often referred to, it is a ride one must tolerate at least and learn to enjoy at best.  Surfing, however, takes practice.  A new surfer starts with little waves and graduates to the biggies.  Skills are built upon and the experience gets more thrilling with practice.  I have a choice, whatever the size of the wave, I can let it crash into me and pound me into the sand or I can have a go at surfing.  I learned as a child when we visited Florida that I do NOT like being pounded by waves with my face pushed into the sand.  So, I'm learning to surf.

This phase of life is a subtraction I wasn't looking forward to.  I enjoy seeing my children succeed in their endeavors, but I need to have endeavors of my own.  I am creating my surfboard with whatever modifications I need to make it through the waves life is creating without crashing.

My passion is helping others.  My choice is to "actively" help by cooking a meal, mowing a lawn, running errands, or watching children.  I need to work on simply listening and being present.  I don't need to solve the problem.  See that skill I just introduced, I think it may help me steer by surfboard.

Another area I need to focus on is my spiritual life.  I truly believe in "to each his/her own."  I have not found the traditional church experience to be beneficial as a person with a very nontraditional home.  I do feel a kindred spirit to people with devout faith.  They are the people I experience living out their faith, outside of the church.  The do not preach or try to convert others by bringing the church to the public, rather they simply live and care for others.  They do not condemn or shame.  They love and accept where a person is in life's journey.

I want to collect memories, not things.  I want to inspire, not suppress people's dreams.  I want to love.  I want to live to the fullest.  Surfing is going to be awesome!!!